Hoover
“
Hoover
, time to eat !” I ’ m standing at the 75-gallon fish tank talking to the long and lithe loach fish that started at 4 inches and is now 12 inches . He swims like he owns the tank . He swallows air and food when he skims the top like he didn ’ t just eat a snack 12 hours ago . And then there are the air bubbles out the back of him , something I didn ’ t even know fish could do . When he skims the top at feeding time , he takes many of the flakes and I know I need to add more so that the rest of the fish in the tank get food too . When he stays towards the bottom ( like when raising the lid spooks the little scaredy cat ), then too many flakes drop , and it looks like a food blizzard . He may not get enough to eat in those times , as it ’ s harder for him to get it off the rocky bottom .
Each morning , I ’ m adapting to his behavior and trying to communicate with him to keep him fed and happy . I think any of us with kids , partners and pets learn how to do this well to get our dependents to thrive . Sometimes , we all struggle . Sometimes , those around us change their needs and we need to pivot . I see this in the ways I communicate with patients and work partners .
I was recently talking with a provider about a situation that
by KRIS BARNSFATHER , MD , MBA
occurred with a third provider . They wanted to know my thoughts on the motivations of the actions from the third provider . I was suggesting a call and a nudge in the conversation to let the third provider be aware that the subtleties of the situation were noticed and were in question . I stated that maybe that direction would be a kinder , gentler way of getting at the possible motivation . The provider I was talking with responded , “ You say it is kinder . I would say it is more transparent if I just let them know what I ’ m thinking .” They weren ’ t wrong .
I still reflect on that moment and remind myself that we each have ways of communication that motivate us more than others . We each value styles and reasoning differently . Hence , our best way to model communication leadership is to model adaptation . We should try to communicate not just in a way that lets you be voiced , but in a way that lets you be heard . There is a difference between voicing and being heard .
It is hard for me to be as “ transparent ” as the provider is that I mentioned . I am my mother ’ s child , after all . Who doesn ’ t strive to be a master manipulator aiming for few hard feelings but maximum output ? Many do , that ’ s who .
My sister and my mother and I went to London many moons ago , and we walked the city streets looking at menus trying to decide on a place for lunch . I was really just good to get fish and chips and a pint given it was our first day in the city , but each time we stopped ( continued on page 26 )
August 2024 25