Fireside
If I weren ’ t a doctor , I ’ d be a farmer .
I have been visiting my grandfather ’ s farm in Pakistan since I was 5 years old . Every version of myself that exists in America has also existed in Pakistan too , spending each December break in the house my father eventually had built for his family still living in their old village . That yearly trip is one of the biggest ways in which my life always seems to stay the same , even when everything else changes . The days are always the same , drinking cups of tea on the front porch , next to the fire that was always there to keep us warm , when we ran back from playing cricket or visiting the cows . The nights are the same too , singing songs and playing charades as the fire keeps flickering among the stars . On my most recent visit , in between the fall and spring semester of my second year of medical school , I couldn ’ t help but feel so different from the girl who had plopped down next to that fire at age 19 . by LILAH KAHLOON , M3
All throughout college , I would pack up my things on campus and dump them into a pile on the floor of my bedroom at my parents ’ house as soon as my last exam was over , before winter break . The city would shiver into the cold months ahead as I would melt down into one of the brass chairs on our screened in porch . I always knew I would completely waste every minute of freedom I had ( and regret it ) as soon as it was time to go back to school . I could never live in anything comfortably at 19 . I was always waiting for my real life to start .
There was no part of me that relished in getting to travel at 19 either . Then , Pakistan held the disturbing scenes of what my life would have been if my father hadn ’ t emigrated to America as a young adult . It was a beautiful country , but it didn ’ t offer anywhere near the level of opportunity or privilege that my life in Kentucky did . I appreciated the trips for keeping me aware of my good fortune , but I could predictably only be there for one or two days before I started to daydream about the flight back home to the corner of the world
( continued on page 22 ) March 2025 21