Parking With Perspective
There ’ s a one-way street a couple of blocks over from the hospital ’ s main campus . At night , only a couple of the streetlights work , during the day it is jam-packed with people , and during regular work hours you couldn ’ t find a spot to park no matter how hard you tried . It ’ s chaotic and crowded and constantly flooded with new cars .
However almost without fail , you ’ ll find a boxy , faded blue hatchback with big square fish-bowl windows parked on the righthand side . If you time it right , you ’ ll also find me crawling over the passenger seat to that door because the driver ’ s side door handle broke off a couple months ago , and my med school wallet didn ’ t want to cover the cost of repairs . This is not to draw pity , but more to help visualize the comedic dance those passing by get to watch every morning as I attempt to head to the hospital .
There have been many days when my car is the first car on the street in the morning and the last one at night , waiting patiently under one of the few working streetlights . Since starting clinical rotations over 10 months ago , quietly walking to and from my car parked alone on that typically bustling street has been a staple of my daily routine . And upon reflection , this might be one of the best parts of my day . Not necessarily because it ’ s the highlight of my day , but because it embodies all the things I love about the life I get to live as a medical student .
As I step out the door in the mornings , I ’ m washed with a reverent peace as the sun just begins to rise over the cool glassy skyline . I ’ m reminded of how much I love my role as a medical student , and what a privilege it is to meet intimately so many new people each day . No amount of insanely early mornings has yet dampened the rejuvenating peace of this early morning quiet .
Medical school can sometimes feel like a one-way street . As an M1 , you throw all your trust , aspirations and determination into the pockets of your boxy new white coat and hold on for dear life as everything around you gets faster and your chances to turn back get fewer and fewer . But eventually , you stop considering turning around , and instead learn to embrace the challenge of this path .
by CAITLIN R . WESSEL
Eventually you get to the point where you catch your breath and tally up all the obstacles you overcame without even realizing . You slowly get to watch your sacrifices and vulnerability transform into one of the greatest , most intangible gifts anyone could receive : the ability to care for human life . The amount of joy this still brings me is almost incomprehensible .
The other side to such a gift is a bit heavier . We must learn how to carry the weight of our patient ’ s suffering . We might sometimes be at the butt end of our resident ’ s displaced frustration . And many of us have our first experience with having our patient die . It ’ s grueling and intense and brand new every day . These past 10 months on rotation have changed how I think about exhaustion , and some days it takes all I ’ ve got to drag my feet out the hospital doors instead of passing out in the resident lounge .
On those begrudging walks back to my car , my mind races trying to process the good , the bad and the ugly of the day . The closer I get to my car , the weight of the day is slowly eased by a sense of peace . I know that when I get home I have a wonderful partner who loves me for simply just existing . I have a great group of friends , a healthy family and a very dear cat who will greet me at the door . In the end , I wouldn ’ t trade the opportunities I have for the world . Getting into my car doesn ’ t make any of the tough stuff easier to handle , but it ’ s a portal to recuperate and then try again tomorrow .
There are so many great parts about being a medical student , especially during the clinical years . Getting to care directly for your community in such an important way is a gift that never stops giving , and each day I feel like I find more and more things to absolutely love about this career . It truly is hard to pick one favorite , or one “ best thing .” But maybe the best part is knowing that tomorrow I get to do it all again ; I just have to show up , be present and give the very best I can .
No matter what lies ahead or will be left behind , the best part of my day is just getting to be there for it .
This essay was a submission to the 2023 Richard Spear , MD , Memorial Essay Contest .
Caitlin Wessel is a fourth-year medical student at the University of Louisville School of Medicine .
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