OVERCOMING OBSTACLES
Paradox
by JOHN DAVID KOLTER , MD
The idea of including an article about raising children in an issue of Louisville Medicine dedicated to “ overcoming obstacles ” may seem rather vacuous . Simply put , children are not obstacles . One would hope that the act of raising children would present the obstacles and not the children themselves . Regardless , raising children is a lifetime commitment to being on-call and certainly doesn ’ t make things easier . Children force working parents , mothers and fathers , to balance on a tightrope of occupational and domestic demands , a tightrope on which I am currently balancing while cleaning up from dinner , nudging kids to bed and writing this article .
I recall exactly what I was doing when my wife called to inform me of her induction to deliver our twins : buying socks . I had decided a few months in as a practicing physician , still childless , that my dull , solid black Gold Toes were no longer sufficient . I knew I had more tricks up my sartorial sleeve than what my residency standard issue hosiery provided . I presented myself to the nearest department store after I finished seeing patients that December day to rectify this wardrobe deficiency . Walking toward the racks filled with endless shades of color and pattern , a virtual footwear salvation within reach , I received the call from my wife , fresh out of her obstetrician appointment , who noted that Ayden Claire was squashing Lily Grace on that day ’ s ultrasound . We were to induce delivery that evening . As it turned out , someone had , indeed , put baby in a corner . I stopped , rotated on one foot , and walked out of the store , immediately forgetting the pain induced by the boredom of my socks . That was the last day I ever walked into a store with such needless wonderings or the abundance of time needed to nurture such .
Two days later , after our twin girls were born , we brought them home , sleeping peacefully in their car seats . We sat them down in the front room of our then cozy bungalow home and I asked my wife , silence filling the house , “ What do we do now ?” Approximately 120 seconds later , our girls woke up , no longer lulled to sleep by the purr of their Prius shuttle home , and my question was answered . Everything . Every day . All at once . Parenthood would have a steep , steep learning curve .
Navigating the life of a physician parent , I do struggle to find the time to put in the effort required to care for patients the way I see fit and accomplish tasks outside of the office that still matter to me . My first-year medical school orientation , a fairly straightforward introduction to the journey ahead of me , included some tips and tricks on how to do what future doctors ( and parents ) do : juggle multiple balls at once and look calm while doing so . I have a vivid memory of the University of Louisville Dean of Students recounting the numerous things that can be accomplished by paying someone to do it for you . “ You can pay someone do almost anything ,” she reassured us . I recall thinking at the time , “ I don ’ t want to pay someone to do life ’ s tasks for me .” I like going to the grocery , I really like making small talk with the clerk at the dry cleaner when I pick up my order , and I love working in my yard . As my pace of life as a parent has accelerated , I have discerned over and over which of life ’ s menial tasks I want to keep doing on my own . The answer , to date , has been most of them . I usually drag my kids along to help and to ensure they learn how to accomplish life ’ s tasks themselves . While maybe below my pay grade ( but not necessarily theirs !), the tasks allow me to teach my kids through action , and not droning lectures , that regardless of the letters behind one ’ s name , accomplishing life ’ s mundane tasks keeps your head up and your fingers on the femoral pulse of life .
( continued on page 14 ) July 2023 13