REFLECTIONS : Are We Poor Now ?
A
young immigrant boy , watching his father pick up the supper dishes and wash them asked his mother , “ Mama , are we poor now ?” This , he had never seen before .
In the early 1970s , his parents both successful professionals , had left their native land because of fear of the then spreading communism and banishment of intellectuals occurring in adjacent countries . They feared for their freedom and the future of their two children .
In their native country , the patriarchal forms of family interaction had not completely vanished . Although men and women were professional equals , each had their own domains with respect to domestic matters .
Professionals were free to practice their calling without hindrance because nearby relatives or paid domestic help were and are available . Thus cooks , housekeepers , chauffeurs relieved them of the latter tasks . Children were supervised and assigned their personal caretakers who might be live-ins .
Thus , being transported to the much-ballyhooed land of promise was a big surprise ! Living in a modern U . S . city without help can be overwhelming to the uninitiated .
Thus it was for a physician wife who had to study and take national board tests to meet new requirements for full licensure to practice her specialty , pediatrics . Yet , in the meantime , she worked full time at a state hospital to help open a children ’ s unit . Used to being chauffeured , she did not know how to drive . To prepare meals , wash clothes , look for a reliable child sitter and maintain a home took her spare time , if there was any .
Thus also for a husband who fortunately acquired a supervisory
by TERESITA BACANI-OROPILLA , MD engineering job equal to his talents , yet had to drive his wife and children to work and school , and repeat taking them back home . He had to help with homework and the nitty gritty housework too and became an expert in getting medical books for his wife to review on !
Fortunately , the family was proficient in English , having lived in an erstwhile U . S . commonwealth ; otherwise , non-English speaking immigrants would have to tackle the English barrier too .
In time , the family mastered their new tasks , the children learned to overcome bullying because they were different , and eventually excelled in their activities . Thus integrated , the family went on with the flow of their new lives .
I note that these two professionals were able to complement each other in the great task of restabilizing their life under new circumstances .
What about couples in the same fields of expertise such as medicine ? Whether in their native country or otherwise , they undergo the same hurdles as any other married persons . They have to perform in their expertise efficiently , yet maintain a decent domicile and raise their children with or without help . Moreover , they are expected to be advisors on the health and prognosis of their patients , a great responsibility indeed .
It helps if the couple approve of each other ’ s specialty and try to balance their time schedules . It doesn ’ t help if they are in competition and criticize each other ’ s work , methods of practice , colleagues or financial earnings . It also doesn ’ t help if work interferes with the shared goals of their family and undercuts the emotional needs of their children .
The important gauge of marital success is when one ’ s children are reassured and do not have to ask the question , “ Are we poor now ?”
Dr . Bacani-Oropilla is a retired pediatrician and psychiatrist .
February 2023 25