FEATURE
A WONDERFUL LIFE ! AUTHOR Caleb Buege , MD
“ I
think we need to talk about this new coronavirus .” My business partner lobbed the statement into the center of our monthly partners ’ meeting like a grenade . It ’ s a chilly evening in January of 2020 . I must admit that at the time , I thought this particular flavor of coronavirus was likely to fizzle out faster than our 140-character attention span . Its predecessors , SARS and MERS , were formidable to be sure , but what made them so dangerous also made them so easy to contain . No one was walking into a concert hall with SARS ; they were being wheeled into an ICU . When the alarm is raised time and again with exotic viruses , it soon fatigues the listener . Like listening to the boy who cried wolf , I felt this COVID-19 would be the same .
I was wrong . I think we all were . No matter what your prediction was for this variant of the common cold , I don ’ t think anyone was betting that we were on the brink of a global pandemic that would steal millions of lives , shut down the global economy , overrun our hospitals and redefine our lives and livelihoods . This was not the run of the mill corona strain we expected . It was unique . Because it was not the same , everything changed .
Its scope of effect has been staggering and surprising . There is nothing and no one left untouched . There are the obvious and terrible tragedies : the loss of life and loved ones , detriment both painful and irrevocable . There ’ s the loss of work and financial stability , the loss of certainty . There ’ s the loss of the bedrock of human experience , the loss of safety , the loss of security , the loss of comfort , intimacy , predictability and confidence . We ’ ve lost the right to social interaction in a time we yearn for community . It is ironic that during times of trial we need more than anything to be together ; and our need to be together through this trial would be the thing most detrimental to our overcoming it .
Families have watched funerals from a distance , welcomed grandchildren to the world over Zoom calls , given best man speeches through masks and celebrated birthdays with cavalcades of honking cars rather than front door hugs and kisses . Everything has changed . People have died alone , and people have mourned alone . For all of our connectedness , we are decidedly distanced . God , I long for the days when I only hated social media and had no knowledge whatsoever of social distancing .
What has changed for me is what has changed for everyone : a new appreciation of what was , and what was overlooked , the Mondays and the mundane . What was once an imposition has now become a missed opportunity . There was so much of nothing for us to share , and we all miss all of it . What was so horrible about a noisy diner ? What effort did it take to hug a friend through a trial ? How was a wedding invite reason for second guessing ? I think , if we had to think about it , we really did have a wonderful life . I miss casual meetings after work . I miss shaking hands with the parents of a newborn in my office . I miss my mother stopping by unannounced for no reason at all . I mean no reason at all . I miss the end of day double booking that meant we all had to stay later but that we all had job security . I miss bowling , for crying out loud . Bowling ! If absence makes the heart grow fonder , then I am madly in love with everything that ’ s absent .
It feels a bit Capraesque , and my mawkishness is on full display . But , I imagine that soon life returns to normal , and I ’ ll gladly run through town waving like a lunatic , like George Bailey in Bedford Falls , waving and greeting nothing and everything , certain that I have a wonderful life .
“ Hello , casual dinners with friends !” “ Hello , crowded bar where I can ’ t get a drink over the chaos !” “ Hello , handshakes !” “ Hello , sporting events !” “ Hello , concerts !” “ Hello , long airplane flights with crying babies !” “ Hello , mundane !”
“ Hello , my mother stopping by for no reason at all !” “ Hello , life !”
What has changed is that I wish for things I never knew I always had to have . Who would ’ ve thought that I needed a busy subway car ? Who would ’ ve guessed that the last time I ate at my favorite local place may have been the last time that I ’ ll ever eat at my favorite local place ? How could we have known that friendship and family were things that could be taken away ? Who would ’ ve dreamed that I needed my mother to stop by for no reason ? I mean no reason at all . We have all lost things both big and small . The truth is , they all matter . The question is , can we get them back ? When we have them back , will we realize that we truly have a wonderful life ? There is it seems something miraculous in the mundane . I hope we are changed . I hope it is lasting . I hope we appreciate a real , present , boring , connected , intimate , forever-changed , wonderful life .
Dr . Buege is a pediatrician at Pediatrics of Bullitt County . This essay was a submission to the 2021 Richard Spear , MD , Memorial Essay Contest .
SEPTEMBER 2021 19