OPINION
DOCTORS' Lounge
UNCOMMUNICADO
David Seligson, MD
T
he 10 th of March 1876, Alexan-
der Graham Bell, a Scottish born
teacher at the Boston School for
Deaf Mutes and inventor/innova-
tor, spoke into his experimental
electronic voice transmitter, “Mr. Watson,
come here, I want you!” and immediately
his assistant came to the door of Bell’s lab-
oratory: this was the first telephone voice
communication. This first phone call pro-
vided a clear, immediate, direct message.
During residency, I often passed the plaque
on Cambridge Street that reads:
“Birthplace of the Telephone. Here, on
June 2, 1875, Alexander Graham Bell and
Thomas A. Watson first transmitted sound
over wires. This successful experiment was
completed in a fifth-floor garret at what
was then 109 Court Street and marked the
beginning of world-wide telephone service.”
Today, the phone can use up time, often
causes confusion and may create more prob-
lems than it solves. Just how did we arrive at
this situation? It is a process where the re-
ceiver of a call becomes “uncommunicado.”
For example, try calling Donald Duck.
“Ring, ring… You have reached the tele-
phone of Donald Duck. I am either on the
phone or away from my desk. Please leave
a message after the beep, and I will call
you back.” This is the most basic form of
Uncommunicado. Predictably, the return
call will come at an inopportune moment –
you are talking to the boss, in scrubs, using
the bathroom. (The bathroom is not such
a bad place. Do those noises transmit over
the line?)
Note that this sequence changes the
workflow from the caller to the recipient
of the call. Bell asked Watson to appear.
Watson appeared. In this example, the per-
son one wanted to talk to is in charge of the
transaction. Commonly, one can hear, “You
have reached the mobile phone of (502)
123-4567, this phone has a voice mail box
which is full. Goodbye.” Soon, the person
you have called rings you back. What could
have been a short phone call turns into min-
utes more of an ordeal. The extreme form of
this process is, “You have reached the offices
of Associates in Obscure Diseases. If this is
an emergency, hang up and dial 911.” The
equipment owned by the medical practice
is telling the caller what to do.
Phones used to be available in color as
long as the color was black. The phone had
a rotary dial – put your finger in and turn
the dial clockwise from the number to the
stop at the end. If the phone at the other
end was ringing, there would be a purr in
the receiver. If the phone at the other end
were in use, there was a ‘busy signal,’ and
if the number dialed did not reach a func-
tional receiver, there was an annoying bark.
Today however, the receiving phone is in
charge. For example, “You have reached
the telephone of Mickey Mouse. Your call
is important to me. Please stay on the line.
Your call will be answered in the order it was
received. You are the third caller in line.”
One of the delights of summer in New
Hampshire was the crank phone on the par-
ty line. Turn the handle on the box, talk
to the operator and tell her with whom to
connect you. This machine is a delight for
small children; the faster the cranking, the
brisker the ring. A magneto generates Elec-
tric current to power the bell. Today, the
remnants of old crank phones can stun fish.
My dad used to take me to his office near
the Old State House where I could sit at the
switchboard, put on the headphones, receive
the incoming calls, pull the appropriate line
and plug it into the board to make the con-
nection. Electronic switching, introduced in
1965 and now ubiquitous, was one of the
many patents from Bell Laboratories lead-
ing to today’s nearly universal connectivity.
Today, the phone rings and brings in-
terruptions from any number of unwanted
callers - advertisers, politicians and solici-
tors. One bright spot in recent weeks has
been the ability of the phone system to
identify a call as a ‘scam.’ The number is
duly identified but not put through. More
systems to restore balance at both ends of
the phone line will hopefully appear in the
future. For the time being, I have defenses.
When someone says, “Can I put you on
hold?” I answer “no.” If mindless music lasts
for more than 30 seconds by my watch, I dis-
connect. Unless, of course, I am on call and
being paid. I no longer attempt to phone and
talk with known message system abusers,
the Incommunicadi; instead, I send them a
message to call me. Indeed one wonders if
all the folks who are away from their desks
are off together having coffee somewhere.
The phone, which began with such promise,
now uses a great deal of time in our lives.
Restoration of a more reasonable balance
will reduce the dread interruption of the
ringing, unanswered telephone.
Dr. Seligson is Professor in the Department of
Orthopedics at UofL and practices with Uni-
versity of Louisville Physicians. He specializes
in Orthopedic Trauma.
MAY 2019
37