OPINION
DOCTORS Lounge
down on the bed and josh the patient, tease
them, say something outrageous. But then
he would settle the person, gentle while
examining, thorough in explaining. In other
words, he treated them the way he always
treats people, sick or well. He treated them
where they were, for whom they were, be-
fore and after the diagnosis, but always with
that instant recognition of the surreal and
the silly.
So I always vowed, as an intern, to Be
Like Kevin.
Dr. Bowler teaches the same lesson. Talk
to Me, not cancer sufferer. Talk to Me, not
lady stuck in the wheelchair. Talk to Me,
not this stick of a person who can barely eat
but hey, I’m laughing. Talk to Me, not to my
spouse who is demented, but looks healthier
than I am. Talk to Me, not my daughter the
doctor or my son the teacher. Talk to Me, I
can still look at you with my eyes and you
can read what they say. Talk to Me, I can’t
speak, but I can still hear you, and know
that you still know me.
You’re you, 'til you’re not. Sometimes,
you get so demented that you are unrecog-
nizable to those you loved. Sometimes,
as Dr. Christian Furman teaches, you no
longer know your face in the mirror, but
you know yourself in old pictures. That is
a double sort of death, for you feel unloved.
Your family’s hearts break over and over that
you are lost to them while still alive.
STAY
Connected
You’re you, until you’re not. When we
die, they who loved us remember us. We
live on in their hearts. They tell stories we’re
in. They keep pictures of us close. The pain
of loss is permanent. It becomes part of us,
buffered by love and memories.
But while we’re still here, says Dr. Kate
Bowler – take a good look, and see us as our
real selves. Then you’ll know what to say.
Dr. Barry practices Internal Medicine with
Norton Community Medical Associates-Bar-
ret. She is a clinical associate professor at the
University of Louisville School of Medicine,
Department of Medicine.
facebook.com/Greater-Louisville-Medical-Society
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MARCH 2018
27