all our time together, rotating through Pediatrics, OB / GYN, Surgery, etc. It was great having Medicine show me what each specialty had to offer, but since we spent every minute with one another, it was tough not to lose myself in the relationship. I started to see a different side of Medicine, one that I had not seen before. Medicine started really challenging me and would not accept anything less than 100 percent. From oral presentations and exams, to tons of scut work, Medicine kept pushing me and asking for more. At times, I wasn’ t sure that I had any more to give.
In fourth year, Medicine lightened up a bit. It seemed that we finally enjoyed the company of one another; we had regained our senses of humor. We picked a specialty, talked about where we wanted to live after graduation. We visited and interviewed in several places. We looked at our future with a lot of hope and optimism. After all, together, we were going to save lives and make a difference!
That bliss was also short. Upon graduation, we moved away from my family and intern year started. Though we were inseparable, I felt so lonely during that first year. Medicine monopolized me. Once again, Medicine pushed me harder and harder, and even when I thought I had given enough, Medicine asked for more. Medicine did not care if I was post-call or on an off day – Medicine was always there, in my face, reminding me that patients’ lives were on the line. I was the most vulnerable I had ever been in my life during that intern year. I started to doubt my commitment to Medicine.
Life did get better though. By the end of intern year, I had gotten to know my fellow residents and realized that they, too, had tumultuous relationships with Medicine. We commiserated about Medicine’ s mood swings, and started to have more fun at Medicine’ s expense. We also reflected back on intern year and realized that Medicine did make us better physicians, despite all the drama.
I also met Matthew around this time, which threw both me and Medicine for a loop. After having Medicine monopolize me for so long, how was Matthew going to fit in the picture? All of a sudden, I had to attempt to learn“ balance,” something Medicine was not very good at teaching.
Twelve years later, both my marriages are going strong. I have found a good balance between Medicine and the rest of my life that now involves Matthew and our toddler son, though maintaining that balance is challenging. Medicine continues to ask for all of me, and there are days when I can give Medicine my all and days that I can’ t.
Every relationship changes us, and my relationship with Medicine is no different. I know I am not the same starry-eyed girl from high school looking at Medicine as the exciting, sexy and perfect Prince Charming. I’ ve developed a certain resiliency, because Medicine continually pushes me to my max and never settles for anything than my best. Medicine has taught me to think critically through problems, not just to graze the surface. Even now, Medicine can still expose me to my core, forcing me to connect with my patients in many different ways.
And as in every relationship, I’ ve learned from the good times and the bad times. I now truly appreciate the blessings in my life and openly learn from my mistakes. I am no longer content with doing the same thing over and over again, and find I like challenging myself to learn something new, whether it’ s staying current on best practices or picking up a new hobby.
Much as Medicine has changed through the years, I too, have changed with it. My practice of medicine has evolved from seeing patients at the bedside as a traditional Internist to a more administrative role in trying to improve quality on a global level. Medicine gave me the foundation to come out of my comfort zone and be willing to make that change in my career.
In some ways, I am still that starry-eyed girl, full of optimism and positive intent, but my years with Medicine have made me more cynical about health care and the world where we live. Despite my cynicism, I am a better physician, wife, parent, and person because of Medicine. And although the world continues to change, Medicine still remains my constant, and will remain my life-long partner.
So, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health,“ May I always act so as to preserve the finest traditions of my calling and may I long experience the joy of healing those who seek my help”, 1 till death do us part.
1“ The Hippocratic Oath: Modern Version”. Louis Lasagna. 1964.
Valerie Briones-Pryor practice as a Hospitalist with KentuckyOne Hospital Medicine Associates as well as the Medical Director of the Hospital Medicine Service Line for KentuckyOne Health.
As residency came to a close, Medicine started doing a better job of sharing me with Matthew. And to Matthew’ s credit, he was very patient in learning my relationship with Medicine. Matthew and I got married shortly after residency ended, and whether Matthew knew it or not, he married Medicine as well.
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