husband and children were there as we disconnected the vent.
As the family is grieving and the cleaning crew is putting Room
9 back together, a police officer there with us solemnly remarked,
“What a fucking shame,” a bit colorful but certainly a thought that
we all echoed. Then I went back to work, trying to untangle the ER
after being two hours absent from the new and active patients. After
the remainder of a rough shift, I headed home.
When I was nearly home, excited to see my family, and looking
forward to dinner together, the officer’s comment again popped into
my head. I began to consider losing a daughter in such a senseless
manner: one bad choice: and your mother, your daughter is no
more. I cannot imagine losing my wife so prematurely, so suddenly.
I cannot begin to imagine kissing her goodbye in the morning and
disconnecting her from the vent in the evening - never seeing her
again. So many lives are forever changed. It’s so unendurably final.
There is no way her children could have anticipated that yesterday
was the last bedtime story they would hear from mom, the last hug
and kiss goodnight, the last smile, the last look: what a terrible,
awful shame.
Every time I leave Connor, I think about the fragile nature of life,
how precious our life is to those we love and those who love us. I
drive a little more safely to work. I am a little more patient. I spend
a little more time reassuring parents and explaining follow-up in-
structions. When I take care of a child, I imagine Connor in someone
else’s hands, try to feel what the parents all feel. It is a strange thing
leaving my child to take care of others, yet a humbling blessing to
do what we do.
Dr. Brian Ferguson is a PGY2 Emergency Medicine Resident at the
University of Louisville Hospital.
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MAY 2017
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