Reflections
Is All Well, That Ends Well?
Teresita Bacani-Oropilla, MD
R
elentlessly, Time marches on, season
by season, and the years fly by. This
year a harsh winter, reluctant to leave,
is being pushed by an impatient spring to let
go and make way so graduations, ball games,
the Derby, and June weddings can take place
in balmier weathers.
Likewise, as relentlessly, but with less success, has been the wish by the now fading older generations to retain
old customs , norms, ways of thinking, and traditions dear to their
hearts. They are losing the battle in favor of actions borne of ideas
of individual freedoms that everyone is supposed to be entitled to.
Thus this tale of a wedding.
Much to the dismay of her conservative parents, a bride-to-be
asked their blessing on what she was about to inform them. In a
nutshell, she and her fiancé had decided to get married sooner than
expected. The wedding would not be in church but on a grassy knoll
in the park, presided over by a female licensed friend. It would be
informal, and she would not walk to the altar with an entourage,
nor would she be wearing a long white gown and veil like the rest
of her cousins had done.
The future groom had just acquired a junior faculty position as
a neurologist and was ready to settle down. Our bride-to-be was
entering her fourth year of medical school, and he had offered
to assume financial responsibility in lieu of her parents after the
marriage. That, in the bride’s culture, would be an affront to their
parental honor, i.e. giving a bride away in marriage without having
finished her education under their auspices.
Furthermore, like the unique receptions of the ever present
neighboring Hollywood stars, the couple would have one with a
Middle Eastern oriental setting with guests reclining on pillows
and ottomans on thickly carpeted floors. Sans spoons and forks,
guests would break bread with their hands and dip these morsels
in delicious bowls of sauces and concoctions.
In passing, she was contemplating a prenuptial agreement, similar
to a no fault car accident insurance, in case they made a mistake
and did not get along!
explain to relatives, invited or not, that these were modern times
and children (in the eyes of extended family that was still their
category) were allowed to plan their own weddings regardless of the
desires of others, that a marriage is valid between consenting adults
regardless of who officiates? They had to know that in the U.S.A.
the bride’s family, not the groom’s, pays for the reception unless
otherwise specified, that it is not a breach of protocol to sit around
tables on the floor instead of on cloth covered chairs.
As planned by the couple, their marriage was celebrated on a
bright sunny morning in a Los Angeles park. As a concession to
her mother, the bride was beaming in a long white wedding dress
without a train and a veil. The female friend who presided wore a
black toga and looked like a minister. The bride and groom said the
proper “I Dos” and stepped on their wine glasses at the same time.
It is believed this was assurance that one would not dominate the
other. Best of all, it was evident the couple respected and loved each
other dearly and had successfully negotiated the perils of mixed
cultures and traditions of their families with aplomb.
At the reception they did concede to have silver knives and forks
for those who hesitated to use their hands. In another break of tradition, at the courtyard was a tiered chocolate wedding cake, (not
white), elaborately decorated with multicolored intertwining vines
and flowers. It was as tasty as it looked. The wedding, from start to
finish, was indeed a memorable experience for all who were present.
The bride and groom never signed a prenupt X[YܙY[Y[