Love and Acceptance in the Life of Sex Workers
One of the most outrageous misconceptions about sex workers is that they can ’ t enjoy so called normal , healthy , exclusive relationships .
Let ’ s get one thing straight – sex workers have a monogamous mentality . Just because they ’ re sex workers doesn ’ t mean they don ’ t want love any less than anyone else .
Sex with clients is nothing like it is at home . Sex workers use words like performative , robotic and perfunctory to describe “ work sex .” That ’ s not to say it ’ s bad , especially with clients they like , but it ’ s not real .
“ I get to have orgasms ,” says one escort who asked not to be named . “ But they ’ re empty .” Intimacy with significant others is genuine , connective and , maybe most important , healing .
It ’ s fair to say , the longer a sex worker remains in the business , the more they tend to understand the importance of a partner . The more many of them crave some sort of relationship . Do we sense a common void here ?
For a sex worker , however , coming clean with what they do for a living , will always be a challenge . The burning question – could you be intimate with a significant other who didn ’ t know what you did ? Invariably , the answer is a resounding no .
But developing comfort levels can take time ; trust needs to build . But waiting too long has pitfalls as well . It would be difficult to be one or two months in a relationship then admit you ’ ve lied the whole time and this is what you actually do .
How then to share this information ? Again , every situation and every provider varies . According to Sara , who ’ s been a sex worker for nearly three years , subtlety doesn ’ t always work .
In an interview with Playboy writer Tim Struby , in the article “ How Does an Escort Find a Boyfriend ,” she says “ I ’ ve tried everything . I ’ ve been blunt , I ’ ve been delicate . I ’ ve asked if they ’ ve seen Pretty Woman .”
With one of her exes , she described herself as a “ well-compensated , low-volume companion .” Another sex worker , Maggie , prefers not to beat around the bush . “ I say I ’ m in the sex industry ,” she says . “ Then guys say , ‘ What does that mean ?’ I try to explain the job . But I ask , ‘ Look , how much do you want to know ?’
“ Then , I met the man who is my partner today . He knew that I was a sex worker from the very beginning , and it hasn ’ t ever been an issue . Sure , we ’ ve had our ups and downs ( as any relationship does ), but my job has never been a concern ( nor has his ).
“ He truly understands and values me and my work . He accepts and loves me as an entire person . He knows that I am the person I am today , and the partner I am today , BECAUSE of sex work . He loves me for that , rather than in spite of that .
“ Having experienced this love and acceptance , I find it difficult to imagine having a partner who was unaware of my work . Sex work has been my primary source of income for my entire adult life , and it has influenced many of my life decisions . Without sex work , I wouldn ’ t be ME .”
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