LONDON CONTACTS ’ JOKES PAGE
Blonde : “ What does IDK stand for ?” Brunette : “ I don ’ t know .” Blonde : “ OMG , nobody does !”
A few months after his parents were divorced , little Johnny passed by his mom ’ s bedroom and saw her rubbing her body and moaning , “ I need a man , I need a man !” Over the next couple of months , he saw her doing this several times . One day , he came home from school and heard her moaning . When he peeked into her bedroom , he saw a man on top of her . Little Johnny ran into his room , took off his clothes , threw himself on his bed , started stroking himself , and moaning , “ Ohh , I need a bike ! I need a bike !”
One day , there were two boys playing by a stream . One of the young boys saw a bush and went over to it . The other boy couldn ’ t figure out why his friend was at the bush for so long . The other boy went over to the bush and looked . The two boys were looking at a woman bathing naked in the stream . All of a sudden , the second boy took off running . The first boy couldn ’ t understand why he ran away , so he took off after his friend . Finally , he caught up to him and asked why he ran away . The boy said to his friend , “ My mom told me if I ever saw a naked lady , I would turn to stone , and I felt something getting hard , so I ran .”
A little boy caught his mom and dad having sex . After , he asked , “ What were you and daddy doing ?” The mom said , “ We were baking a cake .” A few days later , the little boy asked his mom , “ Were you and daddy baking a cake ?” She said yes , and asked him how he knew . He answered , “ Because I licked the frosting off the couch .”
A man dies and goes to Hell . The devil greets him , “ You may choose which room you wish to enter . Whichever you choose , the person in that room will switch with you . They ’ ll go to heaven and you ’ ll take over until somebody switches with you . So go on , pick a room .” The devil leads him to the first room where someone is tied to a wall and is being whipped . The second room has someone being burned by a torch . The third has a man getting blown by a naked woman . “ I choose this room !” the man says . “ Very well ,” the devil says . He walks up to the woman and taps her on the shoulder . “ You can go now . I ’ ve found you ’ re replacement .”
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