Why this is so, is fairly obvious. In a country where any psychological issue is dumped under the blanket term of craziness and is tabooized to the extent that nobody talks about it at the dinner table, the lack of awareness about these issues extends to a lack of skills one requires to deal with such a patient, thus condemning that person into an intensified whirlpool of the agony, sense of rejection and desolation that they were originally suffering from, which finally culminates in self destructive silence.
For the patient, extending one’s hand for support may propel them further into their illness if the person they reach out to misses a beat and responds inappropriately, or worse, is scared away into not responding at all. A momentary sense of discomfort, awkwardness, hesitation or even a well-meaning feeling of being ill equipped to deal with the challenge thrown your way, on the part of the friend being reached out to, may result in an exponentially negative effect on the mental health patient; a person only looking for a little bit of an emotional anchor to lift themselves from the pit of gloom sucking them in. It is also necessary to mention here that the first contact person for the depressive has a crucial role to play: they can offer them love and support, of course, but they also become the person who can gauge whether the problem is mild or needs professional attention, and if the latter, they get to be the person who convince the patient to seek help from the counsellor or psychotherapist. They get to take them for their treatment. They get to save a life that trusts them with their pain and secrets. They get to be a good friend and a good person; one that people can lean on in their time of need.
But this is not so easy. People nowadays tend to focus primarily on themselves and try to steer clear of getting involved in other people’s businesses, which works very well for many people on many occasions, but not all the time. Case in point, when someone needs for you to help them. Many may wonder why they must be the one to help this person. Why not anybody else in the world at all? This kind of apathy contributes directly to exacerbating this, and many other, problems that we face in our nuclear lives today. Won’t we all be in some kind of trouble sometime or other? Won’t we need the love and support of the people around us at that time? So why desist from extending your hand to someone who needs it too, even when they are not explicitly asking for it in so many words?
You may wonder that despite having the best of intentions, the problem still persists: you don’t actually know what to do when you discover – or suspect – that somebody you know may be going through depression. (I have been writing more specifically about depression than any other condition in this article as that is the one I have extensive first-hand knowledge about.) Well, I can offer you some pointers to begin with.
Firstly, try to re-imagine your surroundings as part of a community that you belong to. It forges a sense of solidarity and empathy for those people who may not be related to you, but who you share your day to day environment, and germs, with.
Secondly, if you notice anyone behaving out of the ordinary, even if it is someone you are not particularly close to, please make an effort to have a conversation with them. You may not realise it, but sometimes even a casual ‘How are you? Are you doing ok?’ – in other words, feeling that someone has noticed them and cares enough to ask – makes a huge difference to the other person. These are simple, non intrusive questions, and even if you ask them to someone who is not depressed or generally going through a bad time, it will not lead to an awkward silence or embarrassing moment of any kind.
Thirdly, if they say they are ok but don’t seem so to you, talk to someone who is close to them and ask them to check on them. Alternately, try talking to them about it a few days later. If they do admit to having a problem, please listen to what they have to say without offering any judgement or unsolicited advice. Nothing is more irksome to a person who is talking about their feelings, than to be told stuff that they have heard and thought about a few hundred times anyway. Just offer them your ears, some empathy and a warm hug. And maybe a cup of tea. That always helps.
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