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ON BOOK REVIEWS CONTINUED
The Linus: This is the reviewer who fancies him or herself an analyst and wordsmith of the highest order. Linus uses a lot of big words and psychological mumbo-jumbo to relate the experiences of Peter Rabbit and describes Farmer Macgregor as a “farmer and humanitarian.” A Linus Reviewer will usually be more serious than is warranted, and go more in depth than is necessary. The review will read like the writer had a thesaurus next to the computer (think of the episode of “Friends” when Joey writes the recommendation letter for Monica and Chandler). Once again, this doesn’t help the reader attain a good feeling as to whether or not they would like to read the book. There are very few people who want an in-depth analysis of character motivations for a breezy rom-com.
The Snoopy: This one is obvious. Snoopy focuses solely on the rabbit. A Snoopy Reviewer latches on to one point out of the entire novel and that is the only thing discussed in the review. It might be a glaring error like a faulty description of a city, or a minor one like an unattractive character trait. But the focus of the review is just the one thing, and the writer can’t get past it to review the rest of the novel. So a potential reader is left with strong feelings about one aspect, but has no clue as to whether the rest of the novel is worth a try.
The Charlie Brown: A reviewer of this type can’t get out of their own way. They may start their review with an explanation as to why they chose the particular book, which leads them to a story about going to the bookstore to buy the books, which turns into a non sequitur regarding the traffic patterns around the mall…you get the picture. This reviewer says a lot, but never really digs in to write an actual review. A Charlie Brown Reviewer is similar to a Lucy Reviewer in that they both use a lot of filler, and a reader is left with no clue as to what the book was actually about.
And there you have it; five types of review styles. Do all reviews fit neatly into these categories? Of course not. There are also reviewers who don’t fit into any of these. For example, there are reviewers who will write a review that has absolutely nothing to do with the book at all. I think it’s safe to say that authors, reviewers, and readers all dislike those people. You know the ones. Amazon didn’t deliver the book on the day promised, so the reviewer gives the book a one-star review. Or a book is rewritten, rebranded, and re-issued by a new publisher, and even though it is clearly noted, someone misses all of the disclaimers and accuses the author of being dishonest, resulting in another one star review. Those types of reviewers are barely worth the mention here, because they are not actual reviewers. All of that being said, there are reviewers who are easily identifiable as one of the five mentioned above, but most are probably combos or only have hints of each type. I don’t profess to be an expert on any of this, as I have fallen into these traps a few times myself.
I recently read a rom-com in which the main character was waiting for her flight at Heathrow Airport. She noticed a family in the lounge, and speculated that they were flying from London to Miami to visit Disneyland. Now, this was by no means a major plot point; in fact, it was a throwaway sentence in a paragraph about an airport. But it was obviously written by someone who couldn’t be bothered with a simple Google search to verify that Disneyland is in California, while Disney World is in Florida (not to mention that the flight would go to Orlando, and not Miami). As I said, not major, but enough to pull my focus from the story. A few pages later, the main character notices 12 lane highways and massive houses with pools upon approach to JFK airport. Again, a throwaway observation, but very obviously describing Southern California, and not any approach to JFK. In fact, there isn’t a 12 lane highway anywhere near New York.
These items were not even a part of the plot, but were so jarring that I spent the rest of the book looking for, and fact checking, just about every reference to places and events. It made the book unenjoyable for me, and my review reflected that. It might have been a nice little HEA rom-com, but I missed all of that because I couldn’t let go of the glaring errors. I didn’t give a helpful review of the book because I became a