54 Life Without Conflict
not have to consider the other person’ s welfare. Besides who are you to say what is beneficial for him? How can you ascertain what is good for him when you cannot even ascertain what is beneficial for you? People evaluate benefits to the best of their ability. You must keep in mind what is good for others, but only to a certain degree, and if conflicts arise as a result, then it is not acceptable.
Questioner: What should we do when we know that despite our efforts to compromise to reach a settlement with the other person, the outcome is going to be bad?
Dadashri: The outcome may be anything. All you have to do is to have the intent to resolve conflicts with that person. Make a decision to settle with equanimity without worrying whether you will be successful or not. Sooner or later, it will happen; if not today, then tomorrow or the day after; it may even take several years depending on how sticky your karmic account is. The relationships that you have with your wife, children and parents are very sticky and therefore they take longer to settle with equanimity. With those who are always close by or who are always with you, things will resolve slowly and gradually. Once you have decided that you want to settle all accounts with equanimity, it will happen, and there will come an end to it all. You have to maintain extreme awareness when dealing with those, with whom you have very sticky karmic accounts. No matter how small a snake is, you must proceed with caution, maintain awareness. If you become careless and inattentive, you will not be successful in resolving these matters. If the other person says something to you and you happen to retort, your external response is of no significance, because your inner intent now is that you want to settle matters with equanimity, and therefore abhorrence no longer exists. Speech belongs to the body and hatred exists because it is supported by your ego. But, if you decide that you want to settle