Q-MoB
BUILDING COMMUNITY, MAKING NEW FRIENDS, HAVING FUN
B y A n a s t a s i a S t a n m e y e r
The core mission of the newly formed Queer Men of the Berkshires is succinctly displayed on their home page:“ Q-MoB empowers queer men in the greater Berkshire region to create, find, and participate in activity / support groups, classes, and resources that foster community, wellness, and fun. We are a non-profit hub for diverse and intergenerational community organizing for rural queer men of all ages, races, income levels, and backgrounds to discover and manifest their individual and collective potential.”
Let’ s lean in to learn more about this fledgeling organization that has outpaced anyone’ s wildest projections.
The nonprofit Q-MoB was founded in mid-January, when 32 men met at the South Berkshire Friends Meeting House in Great Barrington. They went straight to work, breaking into smaller groups of people whose interests ranged from hiking and knitting, to potluck dinners and dining out, to visiting galleries and going out on the town. Those small groups, or teams, created regular activities related to their interests.
Within six weeks, the number of members swelled to more than 250— half from the Berkshires and the other half from Southwest Vermont, Northwest Connecticut, and the hill towns east and west of Berkshire County. Even Hudson Valley, says Bart Church, Q-MoB’ s interim webmaster and program coordinator.“ It’ s like the Berkshires. It’ s a mecca, but not one that’ s well-organized. We’ re trying to bring regular, in-person events to the whole rural region.
“ People are feeling comfortable to be in-person again. When we emerged from isolation, we were left with hook-up apps— Grindr, Tinder— and a lot of people are frustrated with how objectifying they are and how limiting they are. If you aren’ t a cute, sexy young thing, it’ s hard to use those apps to build any kind of friendships or community. We’ re an alternative, where you can actually meet real human beings and do fun things with them.”
Couples also were feeling isolated. Take, for instance, Brian Mikesell, a Q-MoB founding member and director of the Alumni Library at Bard College at Simon’ s Rock. His husband, John Weinstein, is the school’ s provost.( See story on page 67.)
“ People make assumptions that all gay men in the Berkshires know each other,” says Mikesell.“ It’ s interesting that people are surprised when you don’ t. That’ s actually the problem. Unless you know someone who knows them who introduces you, there aren’ t that many ways to meet people.”
Q-MoB’ s early success was because of the motivation of members to lead events in their areas of interest. Q-MoB offers more than 15 monthly events, including hiking, arts and culture outings, potlucks, game nights, restaurant outings, bar and pub outings, fitness classes, and online weekly support group. Events already have waitlists, which goes to show how great the demand is for connecting with others.
There has been a lot of research on rural queer people and what isolation does to their physical and mental health. They don’ t always have access to the most progressive healthcare, and they don’ t necessarily have the most progressive community around them, says Church. That isolation can cause depression and chronic illness.
And that’ s where Q-MoB steps in— with car rides, a scholarship fund, and online groups. For example, a 24-year-old Peruvian man who works in Great Barrington, doesn’ t have a car, and lives in a group house in Pittsfield has been very limited in finding his queer community— until joining Q-MoB. The same goes for a middle-aged retired art professional who lives in Pittsfield and also doesn’ t have his own transportation. Q-MoB members stepped up and have given them rides to activities. Q-MoB also created an online event to connect with another man with Asperger’ s Syndrome who is uncomfortable with indoor gatherings. He later joined the group on a hike and became a member of the diversity team to create more accessibility programming.
“ It’ s about making friends and enjoying one another. I never found that here in the Berkshires,” says Mikesell.“ Even though I love it here, it never gave me that diversification to have people who are part of my community.” At just one Q-MoB event, Mikesell says he has connected to the queer community in a way that hadn’ t happened in the 20 years of living in the Berkshires.
News of Q-MoB also has attracted individuals who live beyond the Berkshires. In March, a man drove an hour and a half from Connecticut to join a hiking event because he wanted to feel connected to queer men who love hiking. Another person from Boston drove out to join them at a next hike, as well as someone from Bennington, Vermont, who traveled 90 miles to hike with the group at Mass Audubon’ s Canoe Meadows in Pittsfield.
Essentially, Q-MoB is performing the function of a community center while not having a physical space. By sharing information widely about Q-MoB, like this article, visitors and second homeowners learn about activities and locations that are geared to the queer community.“ A lot of folks who are here as weekenders see themselves as isolated without really having an opportunity or any visibility for
72 // BERKSHIRE MAGAZINE May / June 2023