Ledbury Focus February 2020 Ledbury Focus February 2020 v1 | Page 70

(page 61) 1. 23rd April 2. Red 3. Jess 4. Terrier 5. 20/20 6. Joan of Arc 7. 22 8. Newcastle United 9. Cassius Clay A farmer named Sid is overseeing his stock in a remote area of North Yorkshire when suddenly a brand-new BMW skids to a halt next to him. The driver, a yuppie in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, RayBan sunglasses and YSL tie, leans out the window and says: "If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, will you give me a calf?" Sid looks at the man, then looks at his peacefully grazing stock and calmly answers, "Sure, why not?" 10. The Tardis ϳ ϴ Ϯ ϱ 1 ϰ ϲ ϵ ϯ ϲ ϱ ϵ ϯ ϳ Ϯ ϴ 1 ϰ 1 ϯ ϰ ϲ ϵ ϴ Ϯ ϳ ϱ ϯ ϲ ϳ 1 ϴ ϱ ϵ ϰ Ϯ ϵ ϰ ϱ Ϯ ϯ ϳ 1 ϲ ϱ Ϯ 1 ϴ ϵ ϰ ϲ ϱ ϯ ϳ ϴ Ϯ ϯ ϰ ϲ ϵ ϳ ϱ 1 ϰ ϳ ϲ ϴ ϱ 1 ϯ Ϯ ϵ ϱ ϵ 1 ϳ Ϯ ϯ ϰ ϴ ϲ P A Z A A P E Z , E E Z E P E Z ^ I C O M E A A Z U N U F D The farmer & the yuppie ... ^ O > C E A  , A P ^ A M d E Z A d > N C A ^ , U d d A A I N N I N P ' ^ C E N d C O Z U M ^ d U P O ' ^ E E D The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell laptop computer, connects it to his Cingular RAZR V3 cell phone, and surfs to a NASA page on the Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite to get an exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high- resolution photo. He then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop and exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg, Germany. Within seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot that the image has been processed and the data stored. He then accesses an MS-SQL database through an ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet with email on his iPhone 11 and, after a few minutes, receives a response. Finally, he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-tech, HP LaserJet printer, turns to the farmer and says, "You have exactly 1,586 cows and calves." "That's right. Well, I guess you can take one of my calves," says Sid. He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on with amusement as he stuffs it into the back of his car. Then Sid says to the young man, "Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my calf?" The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, "Okay, why not?" "You're a Member of Parliament", says Sid. "Wow! That's correct," says the yuppie, "but how did you guess that?" "No guessing required." answers the farmer. "You showed up here uninvited; you want payment for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked. You used millions of pounds of equipment trying to show me how much smarter than me you are; and you don't know a thing about how working people make a living - or about cows, for that matter ... because this is a flock of sheep! Now give me back my bloody dog!" 70 To advertise call 01684 833715 or email: [email protected]