LeadingAge New York Adviser Winter Vol. 1 | Page 47

Family gatherings can be turned into
opportunities to improve understanding
of the role of advanced care planning,
here are some tips for making
conversations about future health care
needs easier.
Start with a story of someone else’s
experience. An anecdote about what
happened to someone else is a safe way
to dip a toe into potentially tumultuous
conversational waters. Illustrating
what could go wrong (or right) in a
critical healthcare situation can be a
useful segue to talk about your own
expectations.
Express your gratitude. Give thanks
for the good things in life and celebrate
friends, family and connection. Use this
time to express your values, priorities,
and what you feel comprises quality of
life. Tell your loved ones what you value
most about your physical, mental and/or
spiritual well-being.
Pick a quarterback. Just as your favorite
team needs a quarterback to advance the
ball, you will need to designate someone
you trust to act as your health care agent
or proxy. This is the person best suited
to speak for you in a medical crisis in the
event that you are unable to speak for
yourself. Although there may be many
members on the team, it is important
to have one person who calls the plays.
The person you choose should be able to
make decisions that are in keeping with
your values wishes and choices.

Blame the lawyers. If your family is not quite comfortable with
sharing feelings, this strategy might work well for you. In fact, most
estate attorneys and family law advocates strongly encourage their
clients to execute a health care proxy and living will.
Make it a family affair. Many hospices make available health care
proxy forms that are the size of a place card, designed to fit in one’s
wallet. Use these to designate holiday seating arrangements and have
the whole table fill them out together.
You can always (ex)change it. Don’t worry that this is carved in
stone; Just as your hairstyle might change as you age, so might your
preferences. Your first living will might state that you want all care
focused on sustaining your life and at some point later in your life you
might change your mind. Later on you might decide your priority is
to try life-extending treatment for a period of time and then transition
to a focus on comfort care. And at some point, you may or may
not choose strictly comfort care, like hospice, to allow for a natural
death in the setting of your choice with friends and family around
you. Therefore, as your preferences change, you may update your
documents as you so choose- and make sure your health care proxy
knows what you want.
Give a gift. Although it may feel awkward to initiate such a discussion
with your loved ones, think of it as a gift that you are giving, both to
yourself and to your family. Without an advance directive, friends
and family struggle with the moral burden of complicated medical
decision-making in a time of crisis. By making your health care
preferences known and documented, you are giving a gift to your
loved ones – the certainty that they are following your wishes.
For more information on advance care planning, please visit
www.hpcanys.org/community-resources/advanced-directives
leadingageny.org

46