vey that found that women spend 16 minutes
perfecting every selfie which summed to a
staggering use of five hours a week.
It’s all about image. As a society, we often
still hold up the image of the “great man (or
woman)” leader who seems to have been
born and destined for greatness and leader-
ship. That is not my story. No one who knew
me as a child, teenager, or twenty-some-
thing would have predicted I would end up
where I am today. Mine is a messy compli-
cated story of paths that twist and branch,
of barriers, obstacles and overcoming and
perpetual becoming. Maybe yours is too.
Remember we’re unique – like everyone else.
Our leadership and life stories hold prom-
ise and power. According to a blog post by
executive coach Jim Laughlin, the power in
these stories is ‘their ability to create power-
ful personal connections, to build trust, to
reveal our character, our dreams and inten-
tions, to draw others to our causes and en-
deavors”. When we tell our story we show
vulnerability and openness and we create
community and connection. We also give
other people permission to be real and vul-
nerable and to show up fully as well. The gift
of imperfection and the acknowledgement
of it through sharing our authentic story
builds trust and relational capacity.
So what keeps us from sharing our leader-
ship journey and our life stories? It may start
with the idea of image and perfection we’ve
discussed. Our internal critic and governor
want to edit the stories to fit the image of
ourselves we’ve created. On a basic level, just
like when we were young, we don’t want to
look foolish. Two messages that women in
particular seem to toggle between is “not
good enough” and “who do you think you
are”. In terms of sharing our stories we tell
ourselves that no one will be interested,
that our story doesn’t matter, we may go to
the other end of the continuum and think
that people will think that we are too full
of ourselves. It takes courage to recognize
these competing voices, to push back against
them, and step out and into your authentic
self – and sharing your story in its quirky
twisting fullness will bring you closer to
others and to yourself.
A story I sometimes share is about my
childhood. When I was a child we lived
I believe one of the most important messages we should be giving
everyone in our organization is that no matter where they are in
the organization or hierarchy, their contribution matters, what they
do makes a difference and who they are as a person is valued.
in a variety of places. We moved around
a lot – no really, a lot. By the time I was in
middle school we had moved over a dozen
times, sometimes simply changing neigh-
borhoods but usually moving to new towns,
new schools, and new communities. We
didn’t have very much and by that I mean
we were poor by any measure. Our clothes
were hand-me-downs, church clothes closet
items, or from the Salvation Army. I was
very self-conscious because I was always
the new girl and being that I had achieved
a height of 5’ 8” (and growing) by the time
I was in 3rd or 4th grade I couldn’t exactly
hide (although I tried). As a 7th grader I
can vividly remember walking down the
hallway, trying desperately to blend in or be
invisible, when a group of girls confronted
me so that the leader could tell me that I was
wearing her cast offs and she could prove it
by the unique repair that had been done to
fix a hole. As a 12-year-old girl, I was sure
that the ground should open and swallow
me up because the shame was overwhelm-
ing. Clearly, I survived and the ground or
the shame did not swallow me and as I write
this many years later I can be grateful for
the experience. Grateful, you may be think-
ing? Yes, grateful. My childhood, of which I
have only shown you a glimpse, was a great
teacher. Today when I walk on one of our
school campuses I see it through the eyes of
the girl I have just described and it gives me
insight and compassion and sensitivity and
with this I can help create welcoming, safe
and nurturing experiences for all students.
While the way that we weave stories of
our journey throughout our leadership and
with our authentic voice builds our connec-
tions, research suggests there are also some
specific types of stories leaders tell that cre-
ate impact. According to a 2015 Forbes ar-
ticle by David Sturt, great leaders tell four
kinds of stories; a founding story, a pivotal
story, a teamwork story and a great work
story. The founding story is a company’s be-
ginning or brand - what they stand for and
it creates motivation and engagement. The
pivotal story tells the story of an event or
events and how the organization managed
to change and transform, learn and come
through the other side. Teamwork stories
are just that, stories of phenomenal ways a
team came together and the power of syn-
ergy and the outcome. Lastly, the great work
story is about recognizing individuals whose
achievement or performance deserves rec-
ognition and elevation – and in the telling,
elevating everyone who hears it. You may
not have recognized them by these names
but these stories are all around you and are
waiting for you to use them with intention
and impact.
Stories, no matter how you label them, are
a pivotal leadership competency. We in the
United States are living in a time where our
basic material needs are generally met and
our employees are looking for more than a
paycheck – they are looking for belonging,
significance and contribution. I am con-
vinced that as leaders our greatest role is the
role of meaning-maker for the people in our
organization. According to Daniel Pink,
“The only thing that will really motivate
people is that which gives them deep mean-
ing and purpose in their jobs and their lives
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