I recently asked on my Instagram stories (@ themoneysavingmom ) for people to finish this sentence : “ My job as a parent is to __________”
There were hundreds of responses . Sadly , very few of them actually focused on things that we have any control over as a parent .
The majority of the responses were things like :
• My job as a parent is to raise responsible , independent adults .
• My job as a parent is to raise Godly children who love Jesus with all their hearts .
• My job as a parent is to raise kids who make good choices and are people with good morals and character .
Now please hear me out : None of those are bad aspirations . In fact , I hope my kids grow up to love the Lord , love others , and have great character .
However , I can ’ t control the outcome or the results of my parenting . Only God can change someone ’ s heart . My kids ’ choices , behavior , morals , and character are ultimately not something I am fully in charge of .
Yes , I can lead them and guide them and ( hopefully ) set a good example for them . But at the end of the day , their choices and actions and attitudes are theirs to own .
As I read response after response to my Instagram question , my heart felt burdened for these well-meaning parents . They wrote in and talked about the weight they feel to get it right , to help their kids turn out well , and to raise responsible adults . They shared how overwhelmed and frustrated they are that it feels like their best efforts aren ’ t working .
If we believe it ’ s our job as parents to raise responsible kids or to raise kids who love Jesus or to raise kids who make good choices , your job performance as parents is based solely upon how your kids turn out . Not only is this a crushing load to carry , but it will cause you to be hyper critical of your kid ’ s choices because you feel like they directly reflect on your parenting . ( This belief will also likely make you highly critical of other parents and their kids ’ behaviors , too .)
Moms and dads : I have good news for you ! Your success or failure as a parent is not based on how your kids turn out and the choices they make !
That might sound very counterintuitive to everything you ’ ve ever believed and the way you ’ ve always parented , but I believe there are really only four jobs we have as parents . And I hate to even call them “ jobs ” because that sounds so stuffy and tiring . Instead , let ’ s call them four life-giving choices we can make as parents .
These choices have the potential to completely transform your parenting . And guess what ? None of them are dependent upon your child ’ s response , age , attitude , or decisions .
Choice # 1 : Lean In and Love
When our kids are going through hard times , what they need most is for us to lean in and love them .
It ’ s a posture of humility and approachability . It 35