“ Let ’ s do something .”
My ( Peter ’ s ) math was simple and my understanding of foster care naïve . In our region , 14,000 kids awaited a safe home and a loving family , and without too much difficulty our family could rearrange our home to make space for at least one more : 14,000 minus 1 seemed like a modest step in the right direction .
Several weeks later , we sat in a training session with other families beginning the journey of foster care or adoption . We were on the cusp of forever changing the lives of vulnerable children in our community .
Idealism : our unrealistic and imaginative vision of the future ; a false hope in guaranteed success .
Idealism and a certain degree of naïveté have helped to change the world , for if we knew the full scope of challenges at the outset of any endeavor to love others , we might turn away , running fast and far . Idealism helps us to believe not only that challenges should be addressed but also that we should address them . It prompts us to take that first step .
Idealism sets lofty goals . Yet , left to its own devices , idealism presents a false hope . It makes promises that are impossible to keep .
All of us who engage in long-term service soon discover reality is full of nuance , complications , and pain .
Over the next five years , twelve foster children lived in our home and made their way into our hearts . We experienced many beautiful moments , but this period also led to the single most painful season of our lives .
We were not just hurt . We were wounded .
Disillusionment : a turning point when reality clashes with our expectations .
There were occasions when the system worked as it was designed to work , and families were reunited . Those redemptive moments were real , but so were the tangible , searing reminders of the depth of brokenness all around us .
After our most painful season when we felt hurt and betrayed , I hastily constructed walls around my heart .
I was disillusioned , as it felt impossible to really make an impact ; the hurts were already too deep .
With the trauma-induced outbursts we couldn ’ t seem to control , and the agency decisions we couldn ’ t understand , was it worth it ?
I wanted to walk — no , run — away . I wanted to lock the front door of our home and refuse to open it again .
Cynicism : our disbelief that positive change is possible .
I read books on grit and resilience , and they only intensified my feelings of inadequacy . Optimism was insufficient , and I couldn ’ t keep trying harder or clinging tighter to a false hope that everything would eventually work out .
Cynicism offered a compelling alternative , inviting me to quit trying while also assuaging
51