trembled with disbelief and anger. Watching my father tell a cowardly lie to protect his image, and my mom sheepishly pretend to be a dumb wife who fell in the shower, was unbearable to witness. I remember catching my sister’ s glance, seeing the same emotions on her face. At such a young age, I didn’ t know how to process any of it.
The hardest part is that even after the physical abuse stopped, my father never addressed what happened. In my childhood, his presence was massive and terrorizing, but throughout my teens and early twenties, he was there, but not really there. In the movie of our lives, he became less of a monster and more of an extra who blended into the background. His absence from my life in those years was a new and different kind of wound.
I wonder if my father’ s detachment was because he believed, after all he’ d done, he no longer had the right to be my father. Maybe he didn’ t talk about the past abuse or make amends because he’ d have to own what happened. He’ d have to drag it out of the shadows into the light.
I imagine an abusive parent or spouse creates a new narrative in their mind, trying to erase the trauma they’ ve caused. They construct a false reality, a self-protective bubble. Subconsciously, they might believe that if they acknowledged what they did, it would bring everything crashing down.
I don’ t know the answer for my dad; I only know he pretended it never happened.
But it did happen.
And at some point, for my father and for the rest of us, everything we try to hide will be laid bare. Jesus said,“ For everything that is hidden will eventually be brought into the open, and every secret will be brought to light”( Mark 4:22 NLT). Everything— even the things we want to keep hidden in the dark— will be brought into the light.
That might sound scary, but it doesn’ t have to be. When we willingly bring those hidden things into the light to confess, repent, and make amends, they start to lose their power.
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