unfurling like infinite spools of golden thread . It ’ s this lie , this forked tongue I think of when I sit in the waiting room of a local dermatology office , thumbing through advertisements for chemical peels and microdermabrasion and Botox . It ’ s this lie , this forked tongue I think of when I ’ m seated on the examining table , my face scrutinized under glaring magnification . Mmm , the doctor murmurs , her thumb and forefinger pinching skin . I am forty-six and interested mostly in fading the hyperpigmented spots on my cheeks and upper lip , but I am tempted — tempted — to pay good money for so much more .
Remember that you die .
We could wonder about the urgency of Benedict ’ s pessimism . Why rain on life ’ s parade prematurely ? But it ’ s wisdom that demands realism . If time will be lived well and wisely , days must be numbered , measured realistically as a mere handsbreadth . Wisdom alone can lift and wield the heavy blade of decision , this word whose Latin root means “ cut off ” or “ kill .” Choosing is murder — because time will not afford every opportunity .
I could better appreciate this grief , this violence , when , for months , I kept a “ Yes / No / Wish I could ” list . I quickly discovered that no time management system could possibly create the needed margin for all those wishes . To be human is to leave good undone , and there is no cure for the gnawing regret I shared with the speaker in Robert Frost ’ s famous poem , “ The Road Not Taken .” Though normally we read this poem as an argument for heroically taking untraveled paths , what ’ s clearer is the poem ’ s portrayal of the human predicament , entangled as we are in the briars of time : “ Two roads diverged in a yellow wood / And sorry I could not travel both .”
As the purple haze of evening fades into black , the books are finally reshelved , and Heather and I are resettled into armchairs . We talk about some of those roads we thought to keep for another day . Heather worked hard to put her husband through seminary , a second master ’ s degree , then a PhD program without loans . This had been “ their ” decision .
“ Wisdom alone can lift and wield the heavy blade of decision ”
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