A Surrendured Yes
Rebekah Lyons
My husband Gabe and I had just celebrated eighteen years of marriage , and in line with our conviction that we needed to reestablish ourselves and our relationship , we committed to engage in a few couples counseling sessions .
To be fair , I thought we were doing pretty well . But ninety minutes into the session , it was clear there would be no pats on the back . Instead , the counselor urged us to dig deeper into our history and explore some areas we ’ d managed to cover up . So we did .
Looking back , I discovered that while I was growing up , I ’ d felt unknown in some key relationships . As a result , I always withheld a small percentage of my heart . If things didn ’ t work out , I was determined I wouldn ’ t be the one left hurting .
So , when Gabe and I were dating and he told me he was falling in love with me , my heart leapt and then nosedived within seconds . I wanted to hear his declaration of love but was also deathly afraid of the risk involved . And I finally blurted out , “ I don ’ t know how to love .”
My words hung in the air . Gabe held me close as tears streamed down my cheeks and said without batting an eyelash , “ I ’ m going to teach you how to love .”
Twenty years later , we remembered how that conversation marked a significant shift in our relationship . I didn ’ t harbor a single doubt for the rest of our dating days about Gabe , about us , or about marriage . I knew his fateful words did not come from his own strength or zeal , but with an assurance that can only come from Christ .
But that day , during our session , I realized I still wasn ’ t completely free to love . Fragments of rejection from the first half of my life still held me captive . And when things got stressful or hard , those wounds were exposed .
The counselor asked me to explain in more detail , and I proceeded with caution . I explained how when Gabe challenges me , I immediately become defensive . I perceive anything other than praise as criticism or rejection .
The counselor looked me in the eye and gently , but firmly , said , “ Rebekah , the goal is to hear something challenging and not break relationship . Running and hiding is an unhealthy response . Staying intimately connected — even when the feed- back is not what you want to hear — will be critical to your and Gabe ’ s relationship growth .”
After our counseling session that evening , I reread 1 Corinthians 13 , knelt on my carpet , and asked Jesus again to heal my heart and
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