God ’ s Gift of Grace
Ruth Chou Simons
A long red envelope — subtle enough for a hundred-dollar bill to feel extravagant , but extravagant enough for even a single dollar bill to feel elevated . If you ’ ve ever received one , you know . It ’ s a thing of elegance and expectation . The red envelope ’ s edges are crisp and , if adorned , exquisite . The flap is sealed , and until the moment it ’ s delivered to the recipient , the hongbao is kept carefully and pristinely tucked away .
Like all Chinese children , I learned to anticipate the hongbao .
But there are rules :
• Red envelopes are given at Chinese New Year , weddings , or special celebrations and are only given by someone older and in authority .
• Only crisp , new bills , no crinkly money or coins from your wallet , may go in the envelope .
• Envelopes must be red for good luck .
• Oh — and don ’ t give bills in quantities that include the number four because four in Mandarin sounds like the word for “ death .” And death is unlucky .
• And no odd numbers , just even please . Because odd numbers are unlucky .
And there ’ s etiquette :
• Never open a hongbao in front of the presenter .
• Decline the gift at first before receiving it .
• Receive it with both hands , and children should bow .
• And if it ’ s the Lunar New Year , don ’ t forget to say , “ Gong xi fa cai .”
I found the tradition fascinating , but I didn ’ t love the way I felt in the exchange — an exchange that isn ’ t unique to the red envelope but that anyone at any Christmas morning , birthday dinner , or graduation party might experience . You may even experience it virtually when given a shout-out on social media . It ’ s the tension between worthiness and unworthiness . Gratitude and guilt . Met or unmet expectations . It ’ s the tension of wondering where affection ends and obligation begins .
Formalities and rules don ’ t ensure love , assurance , or gratitude ( and I think love , assurance , or gratitude are what we are looking
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