It’ s very difficult to hospitably make space for others when we pastors are hauling around our own baggage everywhere we go. One pastor said that the midwife he observed had clearly“ done her own work” in understanding herself, how she works with people, who sets her off, and why she responds the way she does. He described that awareness as an act of hospitality. Like the spiritual director who takes care to prepare the cottage long before the guest arrives, this midwife had prepared herself so that she could be a hospitable presence to the people she served.
The phrase“ being present” was used as another way of expressing how aware and in tune the midwife was with her own inner life and the environment around her. One pastor described how a doula would talk with a mother with a physically open and relaxed posture, like the posture the mother would need to give birth. She noted how aware the doula was of her own presence and how it affected the mother she was working with. She would hold this physical posture while describing to the mother how to pay attention to what was happening in her body. Awareness begets awareness.
I once heard a speaker who was a trained coach for a variety of personality tests( e. g., StrengthsFinder, Enneagram, Myers- Briggs, etc.) say that while leaders come in all personality types, the only quality that all good leaders share is self-awareness. Philosophers through the ages have pointed to the examined life and commended the benefits of becoming aware of the deeper workings of one’ s mind and heart. Part of that awareness necessitates examining one’ s past hurt and brokenness and the way that former self is part of the present self. As the pastors observed, the presence and awareness of the birth workers were essential parts of the care and hospitality that they offered to the women they served. Henri Nouwen’ s book Wounded Healer continues to offer a powerful description of the examined life and the way examination can be offered as a gift.
Nobody escapes being wounded. We are all wounded people, whether physically, emotionally, mentally, or spiritually. The main question is not,“ How can we hide our wounds?” so we don’ t have to be embarrassed, but“ How can we put out woundedness into the service of others?” When our wounds cease to be a source of shame, and become a source of healing, we have become wounded healers.
To live with an awareness of our wounds that does not produce shame but offers them in service to others is an image of Christ’ s love for us, offering his wounded hand and side to Thomas in his moment of great doubt and fear. But becoming a wounded healer is not merely flipping a mental switch from shame to wholeness. It is a lifelong journey of searching honestly within oneself.
There are countless books, studies, and conferences dedicated to the emotional health and well-being of pastors. Many of these resources cite the alarming statistics of pastor burnout, addictions, affairs,
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