“ How invisible they must have all felt in a church culture telling them that marriage was what every woman was destined for, and that children were a mandatory by-product of marriage.”
As a result, many Christian books and Bible studies reiterated this idea that marriage and motherhood were core to a woman’ s identity.
One Sunday years ago at my previous church, the service specifically addressed the topic of“ biblical womanhood” and“ biblical manhood.” The men and the women were placed in separate groups and taught a lesson that had been prepared by a male pastor on staff. I was out of town on that Sunday, but in the aftermath, multiple women reached out to me because they had found the lesson troubling.
One of the women sent me the outline, and upon reading it, I could certainly understand the concern. The lesson stated that a woman’ s ultimate life purpose was to“ help men’ s worthy leadership with submission and respect and prioritize the nurturing and raising of children.”
A woman in the class lodged a formal complaint to the staff that the teaching suggested a woman’ s value is directly dependent on her role as a wife and mother. She argued,“ I am complete in my relationship with God, with or without a man or children.” She went on to share that she had served many years as a missionary prior to meeting her husband and that once married, she struggled to have children. She and her husband were in the process of adopting a child, and the lesson left her feeling as though she was“ less than” or out of God’ s favor.
Other women took offense that the responsibility of“ nurturing and raising of children” was laid solely on their shoulders. Many worked full-time jobs to help pay the bills, some even outearning their husbands or working longer hours to make ends meet.
Worst of all was the fact that this brand of“ womanhood” was( and often still is) presented as“ biblical,” suggesting that women who don’ t follow the template and fulfill their so-called purpose( marrying and having children) are disobedient and outside God’ s will for their lives.
“ How invisible they must have all felt in a church culture telling them that marriage was what every woman was destined for, and that children were a mandatory by-product of marriage.”
I thought about how hurtful this teaching is to so many women in the family of God. Single women who dream of marriage and motherhood but aren’ t sure that dream will ever become reality. Or married women who long to be mothers but struggle with infertility. Or women who simply don’ t feel called to have children. How invisible they must have all felt in a church culture telling them that marriage was what every woman was destined for, and that children were a
9