Maybe you deal with anxiety by going into control mode . If I asked you to tell me specifically what causes you anxiety , what isn ’ t working in your life , what would you say ? Chances are many of you wouldn ’ t point to circumstances or mention a situation ; rather , you ’ d tell me the name of a person . It ’ s not that you can ’ t control a situation ; it ’ s that you can ’ t control a person .
You think your way would be working if that person would only do what he ’ s supposed to do , if only she would feel the way you want her to feel , if only they would change the way they should have changed a long time ago . Maybe it ’ s a friend with whom you shared some secrets . You trusted her enough to say some things to her that you ’ ve never said to anybody . And then one day , she starts hanging out with some other friends and stops replying to your texts and commenting on posts — for the most part she has ghosted you . Now you see the things your friend is doing with other friends , and it makes you feel anxious because you want to be included and you ’ re not . You want to be in control , but what can you do ?
Or maybe your anxiety has to do with a significant other in your life — a person you want to feel a certain way about you , to have feelings about you that they don ’ t have . You want them to feel attracted to you , but their response is outside of your control . The more you try to control them , the more they push you away . The more they push you away , the more anxious you feel . The more anxious you feel , the more you try to control them . The more you try to control them , the more they push you away . The more they push you away , the more anxious you feel . The cycle of anxiety is off and running . And now you ’ re just full of “ what if ” questions . What if he never says it ? What if she never feels that way ? What if there ’ s someone else ? There ’ s so much in life we can ’ t control .
Parents live out this dynamic continually . When it comes to our kids , we think , If I can just control their decisions and their feelings and their choices and their entertainment and their friendships , everything will be fine . We see them going down a path , and we think , What if they can ’ t come back from this experience ? What if they can ’ t turn things around ? What if they marry the person they ’ re dating ? What if they never come back home ? What if they never leave home ? We become anxious as it becomes clear that we can ’ t control them .
But when we find ourselves in a position where we can ’ t control what happens next , remember this : it ’ s an invitation to a closer connection .
In 2 Corinthians 1 , Paul reveals some of the anxiety he ’ s feeling . He lists some things he ’ s going through that are beyond his control — situations in which he knows his way isn ’ t going to work : “ We were crushed and overwhelmed beyond our ability to endure , and we thought we would never live through it . In fact , we expected to die ” ( 2 Corinthians 1:8 – 9 NLT ). But then he gives us the answer to the question of why he and his companions faced such adversity : “ This happened that we might not rely on
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