LEAD April 2022 | Page 28

“ I loved watching these plays , but I never wanted to be in them . I wasn ’ t comfortable speaking in public . It wasn ’ t that I hated it ; I just wasn ’ t confident .” judges and a few others who were seated in the grand auditorium . The judges , void of facial expression , were ready to assess if I was up to the task of being cast in the play . I kept squinting , my vision blurred by a blaring spotlight shining the light on my talent ( or , rather , exposing my inadequacy — however you want to spin it ). Like the rest of the candidates , I was supposed to introduce my performance by stating my name , my age , my grade , and a favorite quote , such as a Bible verse . Can ’ t really screw that up , right ? I stated my name but forgot to mention my age and grade because I was so nervous .
One thing the church I attended growing up was known for was its theatrical productions of faithbased musicals . We ’ re talking as “ big and wow ” as Broadway . Hundreds of people in the cast . A full orchestra . Live animals . Incredible sets and costumes . Thousands would attend , and even more would tune in when it was broadcast on television .
I loved watching these plays , but I never wanted to be in them . I wasn ’ t comfortable speaking in public . It wasn ’ t that I hated it ; I just wasn ’ t confident . My parents took notice of this early on and did what good parents do : they made me do it . They signed me up for any activity in which I needed to stand in front of a crowd and talk , even sing . That ’ s right , sing . Mom and Dad made me pray out loud in front of others . They forced me to give presentations at science fairs . And then they encouraged me to do my favorite thing in the world as a kid : audition for church plays ( note my sarcasm ). That was the worst . I would much rather do a hundred pushups or throw a ball to showcase my skills for a part . And , yes , I realize that a performance of strength and speed doesn ’ t really fit into the plot of Noah ’ s story .
I remember one of my first auditions . Seven- or eight-year-old Tim Tebow stood on the center of a huge platform , staring into the eyes of multiple

“ I loved watching these plays , but I never wanted to be in them . I wasn ’ t comfortable speaking in public . It wasn ’ t that I hated it ; I just wasn ’ t confident .” judges and a few others who were seated in the grand auditorium . The judges , void of facial expression , were ready to assess if I was up to the task of being cast in the play . I kept squinting , my vision blurred by a blaring spotlight shining the light on my talent ( or , rather , exposing my inadequacy — however you want to spin it ). Like the rest of the candidates , I was supposed to introduce my performance by stating my name , my age , my grade , and a favorite quote , such as a Bible verse . Can ’ t really screw that up , right ? I stated my name but forgot to mention my age and grade because I was so nervous .

The second I cleared my throat and heard the scratchy sound blast through the microphone and ricochet from the space around me back to my ears , my body began to tremble . Eyes fixed on my feet , I mumbled some poem my parents made me memorize — that was my quote . I don ’ t know if the judges could even hear or understand a word I said . Staring down at my shoelaces , I gulped a deep breath , trying to psych myself up for the next worst thing . I had to sing . If you haven ’ t heard me sing , there ’ s a good reason I was on Lip Sync Battle and not American Idol . It ’ s not a talent God gifted me with . Dying for this moment of humiliation to end , I rushed through “ Jesus Loves Me ,” which I chose since it was the easiest song I could remember . Every sound that leaped from my throat fumbled out of pitch . When I was done squawking the last line , I speed-walked to the side curtain and regained my composure . Relief swept over me . Though I was uncomfortable every second of standing on that stage , I was proud I had done it .
Somehow I got a part in the play . I was chosen to play a camel ’ s butt . Let that sink in for a minute . The genesis of my theatrical experience literally
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