Change has always been a part of our lives , and it will always be , for it is the only worldly thing that is constant . And the lockdown showed us that change is not always fast-paced ; it became change walking through water — a change that is stagnant and endlessly stuck at a grueling place .
This is a kind of change that is discrete — the kind that is reminiscent of the liquids running under
the road , unnoticeable to the eye , but enough to be felt . And as the quiet rushing of water underneath carves the
path unnoticed , the smallest incidents have left us permanently changed . These ordeals have left us with lessons to learn from , and it gives us an opportunity for personal development .
Virtues are not innate . They are taught , a skill that must be used often to not go out of practice . The ideal virtue that exemplifies this is patience ,
and it was during quarantine that I had to use it more frequently . At the beginning of lockdown , I relied on my
friends to be my company — online of course . However , I soon noticed how draining it was to be in constant contact with some of them all the time . Eventually , it dawned on me that this was going to happen more often . My patience was being put to the test and I learned that while they tend to be draining with all the talking and laughter , they are the same people that help me get through my day . And if this is what I get , then all of it is worthwhile .
Though being entirely honest , the most draining person I have to deal with is myself . No person is perfect , but in the silence of your own company , your mind will speak volumes ; as though it was an echo chamber , and every personal judgment is amplified tenfold . Quarantine gave me the opportunity to scrutinize myself even more . Oftentimes , I would be sulking and thinking about all the things that could have gone better , the things I should not have let pass ,, and the opportunities I have missed .
However , there will be rare moments of clarity , and in one of them , I realized that the reason my echo chamber was so loud was that the noise has never stopped . I had lacked patience with myself , and in my little room of thoughts , every encouragement was been drowned out by the repetition of my flaws . I was so relentless in nitpicking every issue I have , that I forgot what it was like to be still , to let my thoughts run their course .
During quarantine , I learned that self-scrutiny does not equal reflection . Instead , true reflection is being gentle with
yourself , acknowledging that you are not a perfect being , but a person who will continue to grow .
Throughout all this , I had my family by my side . I grew up in a family that shared most of their lives with one another , almost never out of the loop due to the constant connection we have . However , this closeness we had did not always help , since we all have our different personalities . And inevitably , certain views on topics would clash .
Since we all live in such close proximity , the only wall we could put up as a truce was silence . Even when tensions rise , this wall is the dam that keeps things at bay , and when all the anger and
disagreements have settled down , no white flags were waived . And dinner approaches , you can feel the grip of
these emotions loosen up as we sit down for our family dinner . Voices that were once raised are now calm , civil , and before we even know it , laughter finds its way back into our table .
Among all of the lessons I have gained , the hardest pill that I had to swallow was contentment . All my entire life , I strived to be the best at everything . A fact
that was translated into my personality , but what was once motivation turned into shackles and bonds . These are
chains that do not hold me back , but instead drag me forward before I can prepare myself , constantly considering the next step that is required even before I have done the first one . Getting ahead of the competition is the key to being the best , and if the only competition I have is myself , then the only viable option for me is to contest myself . For quite a while , I thought pushing myself past my boundaries and suffering made me stronger , as if building up scar tissue was the key to never bleeding .
But as time went by , scars upon scars made it hard to move , and this is when I realized that if I kept pushing , I would have nothing left of myself . If I keep giving parts of myself in the blind hope that whatever I am chasing is a fair trade , then the only legacy I will leave behind in this world is a shell of the person I once was . There will always be that voice in my head — the imaginary me that keeps moving the bar higher and higher
— and he makes me feel like I am left in the dust by the person I am meant to become .
However , the future tends to blind us to the present , and since our “ now ” is the past of our future , then not acknowledging it is simply self-sabotage . Therefore , we have to allow ourselves to focus on who we are , and where we are in our lives . The truth behind this is the fact that when we allow ourselves to be present in our present , we find the lessons we are meant to find .
Our lives are the waters we must wade through , and with every change comes a wave we must fight to keep our heads over . It is our choice whether or not we decide to remain steady and fight it , or to let ourselves be carried away in the wave .
LOOKING FORWARD
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