MORONEY
AS A TRIBUTE TO ROGER MORONEY , WE ’ RE RUNNING SOME OF HIS BEST WORK IN THE COMING ISSUES . ENJOY !
LORD OF THE PISTON RINGS - A TRILOGY PART ONE : A FEW GOOD BLOKES AND THEIR PISTON RING
One ring for the piston top , And one ring for the base , Three rings is the secret sign , To win the greatest race .’’
FRED BAGWIND TILTED his head to one side , scratched his chin and considered the strange words scrawled in what appeared to be a golden ink , upon a piece of grey parchment he ’ d found at the bottom of a long disused tool kit .
``What a load of bollocks ,’’ he concluded , before screwing the parchment up and throwing it into the corner where it fell upon the company of old motorcycle magazines , the odd girlie picture , takeaway cartons and calender pages going back two years or more . And there it lay , until one inexplicably dull summer afternoon an old man , grey and stooped but with eyes alert and clear , walked into Fred ’ s repair shop and shuffled toward the counter . ``How can I help you mate ?’’ Fred chirped . ``It is not you who can help me ... it is what you possess that can help us all ,’’ the old man replied as he leaned forward . Fred took a step back . ``That ’ s a bit heavy ... been on the old sherry and meths have we ?’’
Words Roger Moroney Illustrations : His better looking brother Doug !
The old man turned away and fixed his gaze on the corner of Fred ’ s scruffy domain ... to where a pile of old papers and rubbish had grown into an almost pyramid shape .
Fred turned and
looked too , and felt uneasy . He suddenly felt empty inside ... as if he hadn ’ t eaten for a week . He also felt slightly unsteady on his feet ... as if he had been drinking for a month .
The air around him felt heavy and constricting , as if unseen giant hands were crushing his chest .
``Bloody chili prawns ,’’ Fred murmured , recalling the previous night ’ s boil-in-a-bag meal and the seven lagers he had with it .
``The prawns were fine ,’’ the old man said sharply without turning his gaze away from the flotsam in the corner . ``It is the third piston ring which grips you .’’ ``It were the prawns that gripped my ring this morning mate I can tell you that .’’
Then , without warning , the old man , who ’ s name , according to the tattoo on his arm , was Gandar , lifted the hinged counter top and strode to the rubbish pile in the corner with a swiftness that belied his obvious years .
He plunged his hand into the vile heap and like a snake recoiling with its prey held up a slice of old heavy paper and in a booming voice declared to the astonished Fred that ``this is the answer to it all !’’
``If you say so mate ,’’ Fred replied ... which prompted the old man to quickly cast an eye toward the sheet in his clenched fist . It was the torn cover from the March edition of ``Horny Babes ’’.
Editor ’ s note : More years ago than I care to remember , Roger Moroney wrote a series of fiction pieces for Two Wheels . I loved them and asked him if he could come up with something similar for us . ‘ The Lord of The Piston Rings ’ is the result . I hope you enjoy reading it as much as we have enjoyed putting it together for you .
KIWI RIDER 55