I adapted an exercise originally created by Graham Gibbs for health care workers . It involves a facilitated conversation among a small group of five or six educators where someone presents a situation where they are having a hard time establishing a quality connection with a particular boy . They determine what does and does not work , get feedback , and come up with a set of action steps to reset the relationship .
Saint David ’ s wants to pioneer developing that reflective relational practice exercise in a more systematic way into its professional support for teachers . This is win-win ; Saint David ’ s can think carefully about how to cultivate this relational practice with teachers and coaches , and I get to work with a school that in an intentional , thoughtful way is seeking to incorporate this professional dimension into the normal course of the school year .
I am training master teachers at Saint David ’ s to serve as facilitators in running these professional groups .
What stands out about a relational approach for teaching boys ?
Teaching boys can be challenging . Some boys have a difficult time trusting someone . They tend to respond to a teacher ’ s efforts to reach them with rejection , resistance , or opposition . We know from educational research that when the student resistance is aimed at the teacher or coach in sometimes personal ways ( attitude , acting out , belligerent ) a teacher may respond to this in a negative way . They view it as disrespectful or as a power struggle . Typically , I run into many teachers all around the world who have reached a point with a boy where they say to themselves , “ I ’ ve done everything I can do to reach the boy , the next step is up to him .” But my research shows very clearly that if a relationship with a teacher or a coach got stuck or broke down , the boys weren ’ t going to do anything to reestablish a connection .
What stood out for me is this : How do we help teachers understand that when they get in that stalemate with a boy , probably underlying their stance are some difficult feelings and emotions that need to be worked through ; the boy may feel challenged , angry . However , this resistance presents a signal to the teacher to try another approach — the resistance is not , at the heart of it , personal . Helping faculty work through the negative emotions is key to unlocking their creative ability to solve the relational problem and to establishing relationships . Faculty approach this with caution but also with open hearts .
One piece of advice or recommendation you would suggest to parents as they raise their boys to be good men ?
If we want our sons to hold onto themselves , to hold on to their core values , their hearts , we — the adults in their lives — particularly their parents , need to hold on to them , ourselves . We need to stay close to them , to stay in communication with them . To convey in every way we can that they are known and loved by us . •
Dr . Reichert with , from left : Research Coordinator Dr . Tori Gilbert , PA President Cricket Diaz , and Director of Teaching and Learning Jamie MacNeille at a fall Parents Association meeting where Dr . Reichert was the featured speaker .
Dr . Reichert conducted a workshop in November 2023 with faculty who are engaging in reflective practice .
Dr . Reichert is the author of How to Raise a Boy : The Power of Connection to Build Good Men , and the co-author with Richard Hawley of I Can Learn From You : Boys as Relational Learners , and Reaching Boys , Teaching Boys : Strategies That Work and Why .
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