dave says
Featuring the advice of personal finance expert and best-selling author Dave Ramsey , the Dave Says column is filled with timely , relevant questions and answers taken from actual letters and calls on Ramsey ’ s radio program , The Dave Ramsey Show .
A DEGREE ISN ’ T POWER , KNOWLEDGE IS POWER Dear Dave , I ’ ve heard you talk about paying for college for your kids . Why is this a requirement ? I ’ m not trying to shirk my responsibility , but I worked my way through college and so did my parents . My wife and I have talked about paying for their books and maybe rent . Am I missing something here ? — Thomas
Dear Thomas , First , I don ’ t believe it ’ s a requirement that all parents pay for college for their kids . It ’ s not a moral issue , and you ’ re not an immoral person if you don ’ t or can ’ t do it . I ’ ve told plenty of single moms , single dads and parents who don ’ t earn a big income that their kids need to apply for as many scholarships as possible , learn how to work , and choose an inexpensive school if they want to continue their education .
As a parent , one of your biggest jobs is to give your kids a moral compass and the tools they ’ ll need to succeed in the real world . And one of the keys to being a successful adult is engaging in a lifetime of learning . If the last time you read a book was when you were in high school or college , and you ’ ve never done training of any other kind since , you ’ re probably not very successful . Never . Stop . Learning . If I ’ d stopped learning after getting my bachelor ’ s degree , do you think I would ’ ve been able to build Ramsey Solutions ? Absolutely not !
Do you see where I ’ m going with this , Thomas ? As an adult , learning is your job . An entire lifetime of learning is your job . And if you can encourage that in your kids with some level of help , financial or otherwise , then it ’ s your obligation to help them . You can ’ t expect a 17-year-old to figure it all out . They don ’ t have the tools yet .
The point is this : You don ’ t have a moral responsibility to pay for your kids ’ college education . You do , however , have a moral responsibility to highlight the importance of knowledge , share what you have , and show them how to get more . If you can ’ t afford to help with money , do everything else you can . There are plenty of more important things than cash . If you want to help financially , that ’ s fine too .
Just don ’ t use debt to make it happen ! — Dave
LOVE THEM ENOUGH TO TEACH THEM WELL Dear Dave , My husband and I are having arguments about money where our children are concerned . They are both 16 , and I think they should have part-time jobs and be learning the value of work . He feels they ’ re only young once and wants them to enjoy being teenagers . He also gives them money anytime they ask . I want our kids to have fun , too , but this is beginning to cause tension in our relationship . I ’ d love your advice . — Kaytee
Dear Kaytee , I understand your concern . I ’ m sure your husband has a good heart , but by doing this he ’ s acting like a friend instead of a parent . In the process , he ’ s allowing them to be nothing but takers and consumers . He ’ s setting them both up for lifetimes of helplessness and ridiculous expectations without realizing it .
But yes , kids should absolutely learn to work , make money and manage it wisely from an early age . My wife and I gave nice gifts to our kids from time to time , but they also worked and
made money for themselves . And the nicer gifts we gave them were for special occasions . Even then we didn ’ t go crazy with things .
Still , the biggest problem you and your husband are experiencing is a communication breakdown . Your husband should stop being so impulsive , and grow a backbone where the kids are concerned . You ’ ve recognized this — and you ’ re right about it — so it ’ s up to you to take the first step in finding a solution .
Try sitting down with him , just the two of you , and sincerely explaining your feelings . Let him know you love him and how generous he is . But let him know , too , you ’ re worried this is having a negative impact on your children and why . Talk it out , openly and honestly , and try to agree on some changes together . There ’ s a middle ground here , but it ’ s going to take some time and effort from both of you to reach it .
Most of all , it means you two will have to communicate with each other like mature , caring adults , and pull together for the sake of your kids . It might be difficult at first , but it ’ ll be worth it in the long run . For you and them .
Thanks , Kaytee ! — Dave www . kidslifemagazine . com
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