november / december 2022
14
Helping Your Child Cope with Change
By Larry Deavers
Change is an on-going part of life . Some of us are more resistant to it that others , but change invariably brings about increased stress , anxiety and self-doubt . Whether it ’ s a new school year , a move , changes in family or community , change occurs as a normal part of life and even positive change brings about tension and uncertainty . While these changes can be stressful , there are steps you can take to help your child prepare for and adapt to new situations .
REMEMBER TO FOCUS ON YOUR CHILD ’ S NEEDS . Change for one member of a family typically creates stress for the entire family . When parents face change in the midst of balancing work , home , family and finances , they can feel their own stress mounting and may feel overwhelmed . Without intentionally focusing attention on what your child needs during this time , you can be tempted to minimize their stress because it may seem trivial compared to adult worries . However , keep in mind that your child ’ s coping skills are not as mature as yours , so proportionally , their stress is just as distressing to them as yours is to you .
GIVE YOUR CHILD CHOICES . Each individual is different , so what we need to help us deal with change will vary , as well . Within the context of what has to be done ( i . e ., going to school , homework , chores , etc .), let your child make decisions about when certain things occur that will help them be most successful . Choosing where to do homework , whether they have a snack first , or if it needs to be immediately after school , can help them feel empowered , as well as invested in making the plan work . In the midst of changes that are beyond their control , allowing them these kinds of choices can help them feel more empowered and secure .
ALLOW REGULAR DOWNTIME FOR YOUR CHILD . In trying to provide a rich diversity of childhood experiences , it can be tempting to over-commit yourself and your child to multiple activities . It can be easy to try to provide so many experiences for their child that the stress of keeping up damages the family , as a whole , and may even lead to burnout for all involved . Remember that we all need downtime to catch our breath , relax and simply enjoy our time together . Being mindful of balancing the right amount of activities , responsibilities and relaxation time is essential for a healthy family life .
ESTABLISH HEALTHY ROUTINES . Well balanced , consistent routines give you and your child a sense of feeling “ in control ” of your life and provides direction . A healthy daily / weekly routine involves getting adequate sleep , allowing for healthy eating , physical activity , family time , outside activities , alone time and time for chores and homework . Teaching your child the importance of maintaining balance in all phases of their lives is an essential part of maintaining good physical , emotional and mental health throughout their lives .
ALLOW YOUR CHILD TO EXPRESS THEIR FEEL- INGS . The ways this can be done vary depending on the age and personality of your child , but providing opportunities for them to express their worries , frustrations and stress can be an important way of recognizing their needs , providing reassurance and helping them think thorough their coping skills . These opportunities may come in the form of playing games , going for ice cream , asking questions while driving , or simply checking in with them to see how their day is going . Providing non-invasive opportunities for your child to be heard reinforces that you care about them and that when they do need help , you are more than ready .
ENCOURAGE FAMILY INVOLVEMENT AND SUP- PORT . When children feel stressed , they may withdraw from spending time with family and friends . You may notice them being more moody and less engaged in activities they normally enjoy . This kind of isolation can often increase the level of stress they feel and prevent them from engaging in activities that can actually help relieve stress , such as physical activity , time with friends and conversations with family . Without forcing too much , parents can help by encouraging their children to stay engaged in these healthy coping activities .
BE AN EXAMPLE . Your child ’ s primary coping skills will come from those they observe in their parents . If you practice healthy strategies , your child is much more likely to learn from what they see you do . However , when we resort to unhealthy strategies to cope with change and stress ( e . g ., over-eating , drinking , emotional outbursts , social isolation , etc .), then it will be difficult to convince our children to do otherwise .
Larry Deavers is a Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker and Executive Director of Family Counseling Service of West Alabama .