january / february 2025
26
By Larry Deavers
BUILDING ESTEEM IN GIRLS
Girls face many societal expectations that can seem impossible to meet . The expectation to be a strong , confident young woman can feel contrary to the expectation to be nurturing and supportive of others . While these traits are not mutually exclusive , feeling the pressure of balancing them all while achieving a life of contentment and meaning can be challenging and , sometimes , overwhelming . Helping them build a belief in themselves that they can meet this challenge involves creating a nurturing environment that supports their confidence , individuality , and resilience , while supporting their emotional need for assurance and encouragement .
Here are some strategies to help build esteem in girls :
TEACH HEALTHY BOUNDARIES . Help them recognize when to say “ No ” and enable them to make healthy decisions without giving into pleasing others when it is detrimental to themselves . Girls can often be driven by the desire to seek approval or to avoid guilt , which often results in blurred boundaries . This can set them up to be taken advantage of by others who may manipulate these underlying needs and impose themselves in ways that are emotionally controlling or abusive . Through modeling and healthy discussions , you can teach them when it is okay to help others and when it is necessary to safeguard themselves .
MODEL HEALTHY WAYS OF HANDLING EMO- TIONS . Girls tend to more verbal and expressive . This can be a valuable skill in expressing their thoughts and emotions when done assertively , with kindness and respect . However , this skill can be destructive when their words are harsh and their emotions are given full vent to others . As a parent , you will likely be their biggest influence in learning healthy , appropriate emotional responses , especially those you practice yourself .
TEACH THEM TO ACCEPT THEMSELVES . Parents can often give “ back-handed compliments ” that tear down their daughters more than they build up . ( e . g ., “ Thank you for cleaning up your room ; it certainly took you long enough .”) Avoid comparing your daughter to anyone else , while valuing and affirming those qualities that make her unique . Knowing that she is valuable , just as she is , will help her to feel less emotionally vulnerable and lessen her need to compete with others for affirmation .
TEACH THEM TO VALUE THE UNIQUE QUALI- TIES OF OTHERS . Girls are often plagued by self-doubt and comparing themselves to others as a way of measuring their value . This can often lead to unhealthy competition or being critical of others . Because girls tend to be more adept at using words , they can be harsh in what they say to those they see as different . You can inspire them to be more accepting of others by consistently encouraging them to accept themselves and recognize the strengths in others .
PROMOTE BODY ACCEPTANCE . Encourage a healthy body image by focusing on what their bodies can do and making healthy choices , rather than how they look . Avoid inadvertent comments about weight and appearance that can leave her feeling as though she is not as valuable as anyone else . Teach your daughter the critical thinking skills she needs to understand the way females are depicted in advertising that may create self-doubt about her own appearance .
RAISE HER EXPECTATIONS WHEN IT COMES TO DATING . Talk with her about what healthy dating relationships look like . Her understanding of this will be largely dictated by the way you model this in your own relationship . You can help fortify her ability to hold high standards in this regard by consistently reinforcing respect for her in your own words and actions . Having men in her life ( i . e ., Dad , Grandfather ) who regularly demonstrate that she is valuable , capable and worthwhile help build her belief that she deserves to be treated with respect by any young man she chooses to date .
TEACH RESILIENCE . ENCOURAGE THEM TO VIEW CHALLENGES AND FAILURES AS OPPOR- TUNITIES TO LEARN AND GROW . Help them develop problem-solving skills and encourage them to take healthy risks and to try new activities . By teaching your daughter to value growth and experience , she can develop a well-rounded depth of experiences and a belief that she can adapt to many different situations .
These are just a few of the steps you can take to raise a girl who is confident , independent and capable of making healthy choices for herself . The most important factor is maintaining a consistent , supportive environment throughout childhood and adolescence . By consistently applying these strategies , you can build a strong foundation of self-esteem and raise a capable , confident young woman .
Larry Deavers is a Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker & Executive Director of Family Counseling Service of West Alabama .