KARLA TALLAS - SHARED TREASURES HARD ROCKER | Page 12

Doro, New York 2010
way to save the magazine. The circle is closed.
I met with my lawyer and he uncompromisingly
advises me to start legal proceedings against
my competition. After many dreamless nights
and endless amounts of time thinking about it
all, I made my final decision. I had to stop HARD
ROCKER and I was not going to start any legal
process with my competition – something that
no one understood and something that made
the lawyer especially mad. Issue number 18
came out and I knew this would be the LAST
ONE. On the day of its release I just lay on the
floor, surrounded by magazines, for hours in
tears… my way of dealing with a terrible loss. In
spite of large amounts of debt, I didn’t feel such
sadness about losing all the money because I
knew I could still change the situation around. I
felt sad and heartbroken like I had lost a child.
The words – this is the end – were spinning in my
head, round and round. But my inner voice was
saying it’s going to be difficult and it will really
take a long time, but believe that this is just the
beginning. I suddenly felt hope in my darkest
hour without really understanding where it
xxx
was coming from. I started calling everyone
from my crew with the announcement of the
definite end of the magazine. At the same time,
I assured them I would never give up, no matter
what. Nobody understood where I drew this
energy from in a situation that seemed to have
no solution and how I can even think about the
next journey.
Bankruptcy with all its associated obstructions
arrived with no compromises and there was
nothing left behind but the cruel and cold reality.
For a few years I was mostly immersed in myself,
literally living in purgatory and coming through
the biggest and the deepest transformational
process of my life up to that point. Getting rid of
old patterns, negative emotions and especially
my big rebellious instincts, I was finally able to
clearly see all the circumstances and myself
in a different light. I became more and more
aware of my own potential and everything I
had achieved in my life. The events I was able
to participate in and the personalities I was able
to meet – experiences that other people were
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