shitty the whole night was. Well, not the whole night, just the part where
I realized my entire apartment complex knows how shitty of a boyfriend
Johnny is or how pathetic I am for staying with him. Also, the cabbie that
kept asking me if he should call the cops on Andy because I was bawling
my eyes out the entire ride home surprisingly did not improve the night
at all. But no, it wasn’t the whole night that was shitty.
Looking at the pack also makes me wonder why I started smoking in the first place. I guess it was because the first time Johnny kissed
me was between drags of a menthol and I loved the idea of smoking
ever since. It reminded me of Johnny and of stumbling home drunk our
sophomore year. Arm in arm, we’d try to not to draw attention to our
own intoxication. Cop cars drove up and down the quiet streets looking to distribute citations for underage drinking or public drunkenness,
and yet we only cared about making the other one laugh. But now I only
think of how many packs of cigarettes Johnny could’ve bought with a
hundred dollars.
I take one last drag from my cigarette, smear it into the ground
with my white Keds, and make a mad dash out of the parking lot.
My apartment’s just down the street and knowing Andy he’s
bound to be there. He’s always there. By the time I reach my apartment
I’m out of breath but somehow I’m running on adrenaline and climb four
flights of stairs. I pound on Tom’s door and ask where Andy’s at. He tells
me he’s not here. “What do you mean he’s not here? He’s always here!” I
say it so fast it doesn’t even sound like me. Motherfucker, the one time
he’s not here. Tom tells me to calm down and that he’ll call him to come
over. A few excruciating minutes later, Andy’s here.
“Are you okay? I thought you had work ‘til 3:00? What’s wrong?”
“Nothing’s wrong, everything’s fine but I need to go.” I take his
hand and lead him to my room.
“Go where? Mia, what’s wrong?” He stops me halfway down the
hall.
“Nothing, nothing’s wrong! I just don’t want to be here right now,
I need to get away, away from school and this town, just for a little while.
A weekend even!” He’s about to ask me what’s wrong again so I cut him
off.
“Last night made me realize how badly I hate everything. I’m not
happy here. And I just really, really need something to go right, just for
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