than I let myself believe. I had a tendency to let things like that happen,
as if somehow I discovered a way to grow detached from my own mind,
it seemed. Upon leaning up on an elbow, I found Eric sitting close to
water’s edge.
Despite sleeping fairly soundly, even on the ground, it felt like the
knot in my stomach had been tied there for the whole night. There was
really no avoiding the conversation we needed to have, so I decided to get
right to it, before even saying good morning.
“I am really sorry about yesterday. I should have told you I wasn’t
going to tell my family about us. I just fear that the more people I tell,
the more likely my parents will find out. Maybe I’m just too worried.
Maybe if I told you that, then you could have talked some confidence
into me, so I could have told them, so I could have been myself.”
He turned and looked questioningly at me. “It’s okay.” He waved
his hand dismissively, then continued, “I don’t understand how you ever
think you aren’t yourself. The choices you make involving your family is
what makes you, you. If I had forced you to tell anyone, then I would be
the one making the decision.”
I didn’t know how to respond to that. I thought he’d been at least
a little upset with me, but he was as calm and rational as always. I simply
stare BB