When my little investigator has returned from checking the
Bitch’s room, globular pools are forming in her baby blues, looking like
oceans about to overflow. Her shoulders hang low, weighted down slightly
by a long clear bottle that she extends towards me, shakily. Half an inch
of clear liquid sloshes at the bottom and even Pea knows it’s not water.
Shit.
“Derek,” she says.
“Here’s what we’re gonna do, Pea. You’re gonna stay here and
watch Scooby while I go and try to find the B-…your Momma.” She
looks displeased. I haven’t helped put up any floodgates quite yet. “You’ll
be fine and I’m sure your Momma’s fine too. She’s probably playing with
a friend, but I’m gonna go find her for you. Okay?”
She’s pouting and her lower lip is jutting out dramatically, but she nods
twice, slowly. At a time like this I can’t help but to yearn to kiss her
forehead and squeeze her for a far too short moment, but rules are rules,
and I couldn’t break them even if I tried.
Damn that woman. This is not my job.
“Lock the door behind me,”
It feels infinitely colder being outside without Pea. I find myself
crossing and re-crossing my arms to try to gain some kind of heat, but it
doesn’t seem to matter much. I guess it’s lucky that I feel an invisible pull,
as if I’m being reeled in. To where, I don’t know. All I’m sure of is that I’m
on the right path and that Pea needs this. I don’t think I’d be able to walk
away if she didn’t. I don’t stop to peek behind me at the green shithole
where she’s on pink-socked tiptoes, peering through the dingy curtains
and shining a beacon of light through the dark.
My speed is fueled by my hostility, and it must be my
imagination, but it’s like the leaves are actually snap-crackle-and-popping
under my weight.
I’ve never been so angry.
Five more minutes of letting my feet guide me, and I see her.
God, she’s pathetic.
Hunched under a pine tree about 100 meters away, she’s talking
to herself and bawling her eyes out. I don’t feel bad for her, and I can
smell the stench of her already. She’s staring at the ground, eyes bugged
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