Through It All
Lucy Tian
“I’ve been through too much to not worship
Him.”
Too much?
What does that look like?
Roaring rivers of frustration
A fruitless search for joy?
Eighteen hour days
with no achievements to speak of
The pouring out of time and love and
energy
with no harvest to count on?
When progress isn’t progress
and healing never comes
When the sun can’t shine through
the sky that fractures in the night
And the world becomes too much
When even words become too much?
Is it how
messages sit unsent
Unread
How the heart caves into itself
leaving behind a pulsing crater of
instability that
nothing can appease?
I hear I should
Start with thankfulness
For the little things
Little drops of gratitude that gather
Pooling in the divots of your scarred
heart
That as slowly and as surely as trees
green
Joy will rain
Peace will flood
Seeping into the crevices this world
carved into your soul
That healing comes with
thankfulness
That amidst pain
I should worship
And I try
It is so hard but
God, I’m trying.
When waking up cripples me
And opening my eyes drains me of
everything
I whisper
Thank you Lord
for this breath, the next breath
When I breathe in and
the frozen air rips through my lungs
I think
What a blessing
To be outside, to feel, to move
When my feet get tangled up on
growing tree roots on the sidewalk
I laugh
Clumsiness and shame forgotten
Only the swelling of joy within me
At the vitality of life peeking through
broken pieces of the pavement
And as I seek thankfulness
As I cultivate gratefulness in my heart
It hurts
It is so hard
But I rest in the hope that
One day
After going through too much
One day
When I look back into the night
I see myself praising God
I see myself truly worshipping Him
because
Though the fig tree does not bud,
and there are no grapes on the vines;
Though the olive crop fails,
and the fields produce no food;
Though there are no sheep in the pen,
and no cattle in the stalls,
yet I will rejoice in the Lord,
I will be joyful in God my Savior
Habakkuk 3:17-18 (NIV)
Lucy Tian is a freshman intending to
concentrate in Biochemistry.
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Wellspring, Hope McGovern '19