JUSTICE & RENEWAL. Fall 2019 | Page 29

Through It All Lucy Tian “I’ve been through too much to not worship Him.” Too much? What does that look like? Roaring rivers of frustration A fruitless search for joy? Eighteen hour days with no achievements to speak of The pouring out of time and love and energy with no harvest to count on? When progress isn’t progress and healing never comes When the sun can’t shine through the sky that fractures in the night And the world becomes too much When even words become too much? Is it how messages sit unsent Unread How the heart caves into itself leaving behind a pulsing crater of instability that nothing can appease? I hear I should Start with thankfulness For the little things Little drops of gratitude that gather Pooling in the divots of your scarred heart That as slowly and as surely as trees green Joy will rain Peace will flood Seeping into the crevices this world carved into your soul That healing comes with thankfulness That amidst pain I should worship And I try It is so hard but God, I’m trying. When waking up cripples me And opening my eyes drains me of everything I whisper Thank you Lord for this breath, the next breath When I breathe in and the frozen air rips through my lungs I think What a blessing To be outside, to feel, to move When my feet get tangled up on growing tree roots on the sidewalk I laugh Clumsiness and shame forgotten Only the swelling of joy within me At the vitality of life peeking through broken pieces of the pavement And as I seek thankfulness As I cultivate gratefulness in my heart It hurts It is so hard But I rest in the hope that One day After going through too much One day When I look back into the night I see myself praising God I see myself truly worshipping Him because Though the fig tree does not bud, and there are no grapes on the vines; Though the olive crop fails, and the fields produce no food; Though there are no sheep in the pen, and no cattle in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will be joyful in God my Savior Habakkuk 3:17-18 (NIV) Lucy Tian is a freshman intending to concentrate in Biochemistry. 29 Wellspring, Hope McGovern '19