Jottings
News from the UK and around the World
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Officially elderly
If you order a cappuccino or use Facebook , if you buy underwear from M & S or ask for milk and two sugars in your tea , if you groan when you sit down , turn down the car radio when you park or use hashtags incorrectly ... if any of the foregoing apply to you , then you ’ re officially elderly .
The damning indictment comes from a recent survey of 2,000 under-30s – the so-called Generation Z youngsters – of which 52 per cent say that only “ ancient ” oldies would order a cappuccino . Apparently , it ’ s the leading sign that a person is “ uncool .”
Other traits to watch out for are maintaining a CD collection , sending a cheque for someone ’ s birthday , being unable to identify Love Island contestants , and watching Countryfile on TV just to see the weather forecast at the end .
Gen Z ’ s also believe you officially become middle-aged when you ’ re 45 . They say that 42 is the age when we should stop clubbing , no-one over 51 should wear jeans , skateboarders should come off their wheels at 38 , and no-one over 41 should be seen on a scooter .
For those of us who are classed as ancients by Gen Z , however , some of these pursuits are regarded as highly creditable . For example , our Jottings team can ’ t tell one Love Islander from another - and are rightly proudly to admit it . Anyway , what ’ s Love Island ?
Woke Watch
“ Good afternoon ladies and gentlemen , boys and girls ...” Nothing wrong with that , is there ? Oh yes , there is – at least , if you ’ re Laurence Coles who works for South Western Railway in the UK .
The phrase was quoted by Mr Coles after he heard a train guard using it during an announcement to passengers on the London North Eastern Railway . He used Twitter ( where else ?) to assert his wokeness by Tweeting , “ As a nonbinary person this announcement doesn ’ t actually apply to me so I won ' t listen .” Mr Coles claims to be a LGBT representative for the Labour Party
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