Using Demand Relationship in your relationship with your kids is what Paul and I call Demand Parenting . What ’ s been modeled to us forever , in the history of parents and children , is different levels of Demand Parenting , where children do or say as they ’ re told , or there ’ s consequences .
To be clear , I ’ m not saying there shouldn ’ t be consequences . I ’ m saying that historically , the way we ’ ve structured those consequences has come from a place of Demand Parenting . When a child grows up in a Demand Parenting environment ( which you may have as a child ), there are only two possible outcomes , because Demand Relationship , whether it ’ s with your partner or with your kids , only works when one person is not free to leave . When both people are free to leave , it all falls apart .
Result # 1 : They leave .
When both people are free to leave a relationship , the person who ’ s assumed the non-power player role – which kids usually have – hits threshold . They decide anything is better than living this life of being controlled , even if it means facing the fear and discomfort around leaving .
If your child feels like the non-power player , then the minute that child becomes bigger than you , financially independent from you , or no longer needs to live in your house , what happens ? They can ’ t get out fast enough , and in some cases , they may want nothing to do with you .
If your child feels like they have to flee from you , it ’ s not really a relationship you had with them . What you had was an arrangement based on your own leverage , and just like anyone who feels oppressed , as soon as your child can get away , they do .