you believe it ’ s inevitable . This is real . But , these limits on happiness are learned and can be unlearned . You must be open to shifting your perspective .
I still fall victim to this phenomenon sometimes . In fact , just the other day , I was having an awesome day . It was Saturday after a super productive week . After tiedying and a lovely walk with my daughter that morning , I parked myself on the porch with a book . The sun was shining , the humidity was low and a gentle breeze blew just enough to keep me cool , but not enough to ruffle the pages of my beach read . I sat , book open in lap , and I had two thoughts in quick succession . I thought “ I ’ m happy . In this moment , I couldn ’ t be happier .” This was followed almost immediately by “ I can ’ t be THAT happy . I ’ ve still got this a book to write . And oh yeah , that school change for my daughter is looming . And what about that argument I had yesterday .” In less time than a breath , I ’ d managed to arrest my happiness by being afraid that the other shoe would drop and identifying all the potential shoes . The good news : I spotted the issue right away . And in spotting it , I was able to stop it and turn it around , using the technique I describe below .
This technique has been built on decades of experience . I ’ m a professional what-if-er . If there were an award or degree , I ’ d have it . When I was younger , I dealt with anticipated discomfort by evaluating all the worst-case scenarios and figuring out if and how I could manage them . Sometimes I ’ d become absorbed in the worst-case scenarios to the point of upset . My what-if-ing ranged from the mundane – the test I was going to fail , the first date that was going to be terrible , – to the life changing – the college I wasn ’ t getting into , or the job interview that was going to be a total disaster . My relatively level-headed mother would routinely cut me off during my spin out by saying “ Becky , stop borrowing trouble .” What she meant was , stop spending emotional energy on a negative outcome that you aren ’ t even sure is going to happen .
“ Stop borrowing trouble ” makes so much sense to me now . It ’ s only logical that you wouldn ’ t want to spend energy on an outcome you don ’ t want . What a waste . Our energy is precious . I ’ ve even taken this reset one step further .
I not only try to avoid borrowing trouble , I find ways to borrow joy instead . Rather than just refrain from spending energy on a not-yetarrived negative outcome , I have recognized that if I ’ m going to play the what-if game – which seems unavoidable for me – I would rather spend my mental and emotional energy thinking , what if it all turns out great ? and more importantly , how will it feel when it does ? As with all shifts in behavior and mindset , it ’ s about progress not perfection . Sometimes I still find myself going down the rabbit hole asking : What if I fail miserably ? The good news is that now I more easily catch myself and add What if I succeed ? to the mental conversation .
Here are some prompts you can use any time your mind hops on the what-if train :
Name It : What are the what-ifs in my current situation ?
This list can be short or long . If making the list seems likely to spin you into a negative what-if spiral , consider limiting yourself to three to five at a time .
WISDOM & SELF-GROWTH
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