July 2022 | Page 28

Jottings from previous page
cattle which burp less . We bet you ’ re glad we brought this up .
Defining a minority
Judging from the amount of time and space devoted to “ minority ” groups by broadcasters and newspapers , one could easily assume that the number of people they represent make a up a significant percentage of the population . But they don ’ t , according to the market research group YouGov .
A new report makes it clear that the British public overestimates the size of minorities - and does so to a huge degree . There is no doubt that members of any minority deserve to be respected and have their problems addressed , but it would seem the woke response to their activists is out of all proportion to reality .
Around 1,800 responded to the YouGov survey which invited them to estimate what part of the population in general was made up of minorities . For example , YouGov says that the number of people identifying as a different gender from their biological sex is estimated to be between 0.3 and 0.7 per cent , whereas its respondents returned a figure of about five per cent .
Similar misconceptions were evident when it came to other groups . Official figures show that 87 per cent of the British population are white , but respondents put the figure at 65 per cent . Conversely , while three per cent are black , the survey estimated the total at 20 per cent .
Other results suggest that 1.8 per cent who are gay or lesbian are perceived as a much larger 15 per cent , while the four per cent of vegan and vegetarians are believed to make up 20 per cent of the population .
The conclusions gained from the results suggest that preoccupations by the media are skewing the true facts . The Common Sense Campaign which commissioned the survey said that , while diversity “ particularly in the media ” is laudable , the figures suggest that there is a , “ misconception ” that Britain under-represents some groups and over-represents others .
A critical decade
It seems that one ’ s 30s are the years in which one finally grows up , at least according to a recent survey by greetings card firm Thortful . And the reason for the change appears to be that hangovers get worse as we age .
Around 2,000 people between 18 and 65 were questioned about their drinking habits and it appears serious hangovers kick in around age 34 . Four years later , we feel too old to go out and would rather stay home and watch TV .
Other key findings from the survey show that by 28 , we cease to crave kebabs and chips at the end of a night out , at 33 we stop ordering “ shots ” of alcohol , and following the onset of horrendous hangovers , these begin to last for two days or more by the time we ’ re 35 .
But the growing-up finally kicks in age 37 when we start to “ know our limits ” and by 39 , we begin to feel more drunk after just two tipples . Cheers !
Exam Time
You ’ ve got to feel sorry for school students who survived the disruption of the pandemic only to be thwarted in the exam rooms by errors in the question papers . Two examination boards in the UK have admitted failing to score full marks and have apologised .
First was Edexcel which managed to confuse those sitting GCSE Geography by mislabelling a map of Africa . In a question on oil production , the board confused Gabon with The Democratic Republic of Congo .
Meanwhile , the AQA board had earlier said that “ high tariff ” questions – those carrying most points – would be drawn from topics advised before the GCSE Physics exam . However , the subject of one question worth 30 points was not on the supplied list .
Confusion also for GSCE Maths students who faced a question from the AQA board which created an ambiguity in the pressure to be woke . It referred to one of 35 students chosen at random , and then asked , “ What is the probability that they exercise for at least one hour ?” Teachers reported students being unclear whether “ they ” referred to the selected student , or to the entire class .
The Office of Qualifications and Examinations Regulation ( Ofqual ) which regulates qualifications , exams and tests in England said the errors had caused “ distress .” It described the problems as “ bumps in the road ” on the route to full recovery from the pandemic .
Spare a thought for …
… Su Yun who took home a Tibetan mastiff from a Wildlife Rescue Centre in Yunnan . It was only when the animal started walking on its hind legs that it was identified as an endangered black bear .
… an unnamed man who came home from a liquid night out and went on-line to order a pizza . In the menu , he unticked mozzarella cheese , bacon , ham , pepperoni , sausage , and spicy beef , in the belief he was adding extra quantities . His order arrived exactly as ordered : a pizza base covered in BBQ sauce , and nothing else .
… 36-year-old Scott Ferguson who withdrew £ 3 from his bank account at a branch in Glasgow after presenting his account card to the cashier . Then , he produced a knife and demanded cash , and although he escaped with nothing , his card details provided the boys in blue with a good clue to his identity .
… Leslie Smith , a 66-year-old from Stirling , who has donated 125 pints of blood over 25 years but who was turned away after refusing to complete a questionnaire . He objected to question 12 which demanded to know if he was pregnant or had been in the past six months . The Scottish National Blood Transfusion Service said the aim was to “ promote inclusiveness ” but Mr Smith dismissed this as “ nonsensical .”

Quotes

“ For years , I thought ‘ in loco parentis ’ meant ‘ my dad ’ s an engine driver .’” – Gyles Brandreth on dozing off during Latin lessons at school .
“ Five words you can spell ” – An anonymous child ’ s clever response to a teacher ’ s request to pupils to write down “ five words you can spell .” Bonus points were awarded for initiative .
“ I had to go to bed at 9.00pm as a child , and dreamed of going to bed when I wanted as an adult . Turned out it was 9.00pm .” - Reader comment on a Daily Mail article about getting older .
“ I keep mine in my bag ” – Queen Elizabeth II discussing marmalade sandwiches with Paddington Bear .
Grateful acknowledgement to the following papers from which some of this material is extracted : Daily Mail , Daily Mirror , Daily Express , Independent on Sunday , Mail on Sunday , The Sun , The Sunday Times , The Times and The Telegraph . Seen something funny , bizarre or just plain weird ? Contributions for Jottings are welcome by email to : sarah @ soltalk . com .
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