Wellbeing

So many people live their life not being true to themselves . The real problem is that a great many people never actually know their true self . Wellbeing Life Coach and Therapist David Hurst explains why this happens – and how to discover the real you .

Shakespeare famously wrote : “ To thine own self be true .” We all need to be our true self for real happiness . It is what everyone is really yearning for – yet so many attempt to fill this aching inner gap with other things such as drink , drugs , work , status , money and material things .

Sadly , so many people cannot say : “ I am who I am .” They know this too , for deep down there is an often painful feeling of intense longing for something … So why is this ? It ’ s something that really must be found . As esteemed psychologist Carl Jung put it : “ The privilege of a lifetime is to become who you truly are .”

Growing pains

As parents or adult caregivers we should think of children as like flower seeds . What is inside the seed is what is supposed to grow and bloom to its full brilliant potential . But too many parents – often due to their own unresolved issues from the past – will try to make a child grow into someone they are not . It ’ s the equivalent of criticising a sunflower for not being a rose .

When a child is constantly told they are not who they “ should be ”, it causes deep inner turmoil . Every parent needs to instil in their children what is right and acceptable . But innately we know this anyway . So the key job of a parent is , like a gardener , to ensure the environment is as healthy as it can be to allow full growth .

A child who ' s abused in some way or constantly criticised – and / or if their home is more like a war zone than the sanctuary it should be – will instinctively hide away their true self to protect it . They develop traits that are defensive coping mechanisms . Over time , they will often forget who their real self is and others around them will see these defensive coping mediums as this person ' s character traits . But it ’ s not their true self .

Family and cultural expectations

Even in a relatively healthy household there ' s so much family and cultural expectations that cause people to veer away from their authentic selves . It can be the case , for instance , that someone feels they have to do a particular career because it ' s what is expected . So they climb the ladder of success , but deep down they always know that ladder is up against the wrong building . This creates inner turmoil that can play a key part in leading to an addiction or what are known today as mental health disorders .

People living like this simply do not like a majority of their life . So their true spirit will be calling them to return , and one way our soul can get our attention is by making us feel uncomfortable or even in pain if we continue as we are . It ’ s not

45 to hurt us , it ’ s to get our attention when we are lost to lovingly show us the way again . All pain – physical , emotional , mental or spiritual – is trying to get our attention to do something differently or make changes that will help us .

But so many people resist this calling . They turn to such as drink and other drugs and / or a behavioral addiction such as workaholism , excessive exercise , gambling or food in an attempt to mask or numb it . Then the calling gets louder ( perhaps more painful ), and so we see why what are called mental health conditions most often get progressively worse . But it can seem so daunting that people avoid it at all costs .

“ People will do anything , no matter how absurd , in order to avoid facing their own souls ,” said Jung . So the real solution is to look into why the pain , with understanding and guidance , as Jung did with his breakdown . Breaking down can then be a waking up .

Going on your hero ’ s journey

When I ’ m helping somebody one of the key aspects is to guide them back to recover their true self – hence why this process is called recovery . I guide people on their very own hero ’ s journey , which is the template of the world ’ s most loved stories in which the main character goes on a journey and comes back transformed in a wholly positive way . “ The goal of the hero ’ s journey is yourself finding yourself ,” explained Joseph Campbell , the founder of the hero ’ s journey concept .

This is what nearly everyone needs to do . Surely there can be few things more tragic than being on your deathbed realising : “ My entire life has not been the life I was meant to live .” Motivational speaker and bestselling self-help author Wayne Dyer put it so brilliantly this way : “ Don ’ t die with your music still inside you .”

DAVID HURST

David Hurst is a Wellbeing Life Coach & Therapist based on the Costa del Sol with four books published on emotional , spiritual and mental health recovery , including 12 Steps To 1 Hero and The Anxiety Conversation . To find out more or call David to discuss how he can help you or someone you love , visit : david-hurst . com