Have you ever asked your
teen the age-old question,
“If your friends were
jumping off a bridge, would you?” You
may have been exasperated with your
teen blindly following a friend straight
into a troublesome situation. Perhaps
he dared to take the car out past curfew
because a friend called and begged to
be picked up from a party. Maybe your
teenage daughter decided to start dressing
like a group of friends whose school
garb looks like it belongs on a beach.
Teens listen to their friends and behave
like their friends because they want
to be accepted and feel like they truly
belong to a group. But parents want their
teens to make good choices and avoid
succumbing to peer pressure. It takes a
teen with an exceptionally strong personality
— a leader — to oppose a peer
group and have faith in his individual
ideas and values.
Becoming a
Leader
Does your teen go along with the
group, or does she do her own thing? Is
leadership learned or an inherent part of
someone’s personality?
“Leadership is learned behavior,”
says Susan Kuczmarski, Ed.D., author
of The Sacred Flight of the Teenager:
40 WNY Family July 2020
TWEENS & TEENS
— by Myrna Beth Haskell
Encouraging Leadership
Qualities in Teens
A Parent’s Guide to Stepping Back and
Letting Go (Book Ends Publishing,
2004). She continues, “Leadership is not
inborn to a select few. It is developed
through experience. The most effective
way of learning leadership is through
doing.”
There are many leadership roles
teens can seek in both the school setting
and their larger communities, such
as team captain, class
president, scout leader,
or religious education
coordinator. These
types of positions give
teens hands-on experience
in leadership.
Kuczmarski has
worked extensively
with teens on leadership
training, and she advises
that teens learn what
their leadership style is
in order to become an
effective leader. They
also need to develop
their best qualities and
use them. If a teen is adept at organization,
she might develop a list of specific
tasks for officers in student government
to increase efficiency, for instance. Kuczmarski
explains that teens should also
understand the needs of the group they
Six Qualities
of a
Successful
Leader
• Honesty
• Respect for others and
their opinions
• Superb communication
skills
• Decisiveness
• Courage
• Confidence
are leading and discern which individuals
are best suited for various assignments
based on their strengths.
Can Parents
“Raise” a Leader?
Carole Lieberman, MD, a psychiatrist
on the Clinical Faculty of U.C.L.A.’s
Neuropsychiatric Institute, believes that
parents can encourage leadership qualities
in their teens. She suggests, “Go
to the movies with your teens that tell
stories about teen or young adult heroism,
not through violence, but through
using their intelligence, creativity, and
courage.” She also recommends that
parents encourage hobbies and sports
where teens can feel proud of their accomplishments
and start to teach others
what they’ve learned. Lieberman believes
that volunteer programs are great
for teaching leadership skills as well as
the importance of helping others.
Kuczmarski agrees. “Extracurricular
activities are ideal places for teens to
explore and practice what it means to be
a group leader.” She reports that these
activities nurture social learning and can
provide a balance to an academically
focused schedule. In addition, group activities,
such as planning a musical, help
teens learn how to be leaders by providing
a set of tangible responsibilities,
deadlines,
and an opportunity for
teens to be mentors for
new members. “You
will be amazed at their
rapid rate of growth and
maturation,” she says.
Besides providing
opportunities for teens to
practice leadership roles,
parents can encourage a
positive self-esteem by
showing pride in their
teens’ accomplishments.
Dr. Kuczmarski instructs,
“Learn to praise
your teen in a way that encourages her to
acknowledge her own strengths. Praise
with a new level of enthusiasm.”
Matthew Smith, owner and director
of Longacre Leadership, a summer
leadership camp for teens in Newport,