| by Baron Claude Borlz
Last Writes you will always find on the last page of ABR,
because all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.
Plying his trade
I received this letter from someone who claims to be a relative
of a Mr. S. Stirrer. I’m not so sure, but here is the letter, which I
believe is not worth the paper it was written on.
Meet Jack Schitt
For some time many of us have wondered just who is Jack
Schitt? We find ourselves at a loss when someone says, “You
don’t know Jack Schitt!” Well, thanks to genealogy efforts, you
can now respond in an intellectual way. Jack Schitt is the only
son of Awe Schitt. Awe Schitt was married to O. Schitt, the
fertilizer magnate, and owner of Needeep N. Schitt, Inc. They
had one son, Jack. In turn, Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt.
The deeply religious couple produced six children: Holie Schitt,
Giva Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Bull Schitt, and the twins Deep Schitt
and Dip Schitt. Against her parents’ objections, Deep Schitt
married Dumb Schitt, a high school dropout. After being
married 15 years, Jack and Noe Schitt divorced. Noe Schitt later
married Ted Sherlock, and because her kids were living with
them, she wanted to keep her previous name. She was then
known as Noe Schitt-Sherlock. Meanwhile, Dip Schitt married
Loda Schitt, and they produced a son with a rather
nervous disposition who was nick-named Chicken
Schitt. Two of the other six children, Fulla Schitt and
Giva Schitt, were inseparable throughout childhood
and subsequently married the Happens brothers in
a dual ceremony. The wedding announcement in the
newspaper announced the Schitt-Happens nuptials.
The Schitt-Happens children were Dawg, Byrd, and
Horse. Bull Schitt, the prodigal son, left home to tour
the world. He recently returned from Italy with his new
Italian bride, Pisa Schitt. Now when someone says,
‘You don’t know Jack Schitt,’ you can correct them.
Sincerely,
Crock O. Schitt
Question Time
Elementary
Right, if you are in school today, a 30% pass
rates is all you need to aim for with these
questions... and to think some pupils do not
even get that!
Once again, what would I do without the Financial Nail.
This sterling effort comes from their May 30 2014 edition:
Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson are on a camping trip.
As they lie awake, Holmes says: “Watson, look up into
the sky and tell me what you see?” Watson says: “I see
millions and millions of stars.” Holmes: “And what does
that tell you?” Watson: “Astronomically, it tells me that
there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of
planets. Theologically, it tells me that God is great and that
we are small and insignificant. Meteorogically, it tells me
that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it
tell you?” Holmes: “Somebody stole our tent.”
1)
2)
3)
4)
How long did the Hundred Years’ War last?
Which country makes Panama hats?
From which animal do we get cat gut?
In which month do Russians celebrate the October
Revolution?
5) What is a camel’s hair brush made of?
6) The Canary Islands in the Pacific are named after what
animal?
7) What was King George VI’s first name?
8) What colour is a purple finch?
9) Where are Chinese gooseberries from?
10) What is the colour of the black box in a commercial
airplane?
And finally,
love is in the
air …….
Check your answers below …
1)
2)
3)
4)
5)
6)
7)
8)
9)
10)
116 years
Ecuador
Sheep and Horses
November
Squirrel fur
Dogs
Albert
Crimson
New Zealand
Orange
| words in action
96
july 2014