Jewish Life Digital Edition September 2015 | Page 18

ROSH HASHANAH 5776

FORGIVING
– with or without the apology
Letting go and
moving on I BY GABI CROUSE
ROSH HASHANAH, THE DAY OF JUDGMENT, IS FAST
approaching, and close on its heels is Yom
Kippur, the Day of Atonement. This means
it’s time to seek forgiveness for the things
that we’ve done. We seem to feel the gravity of our actions more acutely at this time
of the year and it likely helps that we get
plenty of reminders at shul. The special energy of this time of year serves to encourage us to improve ourselves.

GETTING STARTED

14 JEWISH LIFE ■ ISSUE 88

things we’ve said and done, the harder it
becomes to justify our own behaviour. As
humbling as that may be, it can and should
be used for good, causing us to think along
new lines: How can I prevent doing that in
the future; I need to be more tolerant or
patient; perhaps I need more sleep; and let
me put myself in his shoes, where was he
coming from when he said or did that?

CHANGES TO COME

The thought of ap ologising can be daunting. In some way, having to apologise seals
the deal towards recognising that we need
to make changes in our behaviour, the beginning of a very challenging journey. But,
isn’t this what we’re here for after all?
When we have to look someone in the eye
and admit to him directly or indirectly that

A PERSON DOESN’T HAVE TO BE MENTALLY ILL TO
ACT CRAZY OR A CHILD TO ACT CHILDISH AND THROW
TANTRUMS.

PHOTOGRAPHS: BIGSTOCKPHOTO.COM

The reality is that, whether intended or
not, we’ve all caused others pain through
things we’ve said and done over the course
of the last year. Acknowledging these mistakes, apologising for them, and working
to change so that we don’t make them
again is what this time of year is all about.
We need to spend some time considering
the things we’ve done and the harm we
may have caused. We’re only human,
which means we’re not perfect and we
make all kinds of mistakes, hurting others
and even ourselves in the process. How often do we speak to people while we’re aggravated or angry, saying things we don’t
mean? Or, even if we did mean to say
something, maybe we could have at least
found a nicer way to say it that wouldn’t
have been hurtful as well?
What holds us back from just saying
we’re sorry? Often, we try and rationalise
or justify to ourselves why we said or did
something: I was hurting; I was tired; I
didn’t mean it that way; or I was only responding to what he did. Often, though,
the more time we spend reflecting on the