Jewish Life Digital Edition October 2013 | Page 26

WIT & WISDOM

BON MOTS AND RIB TICKLERS

WIT

WINDOW LOGIC

THE GRIEVANCE
Issy was sitting in a bar looking miserable.
After a while, the customer at the next
table said: “Excuse me, but you look really
depressed. What’s the problem?”
“You may well ask,” sighed Issy. “I’ll tell you
what the problem is. My mother died in June,
and left me with R25 000.”
“Gee, that’s tough,” said the customer
sympathetically.
“Then in July,” continued Issy, “my father died,
and left me R100 000.”
“I’m really sorry to hear that,” said the customer. “Losing two parents in two
months – no wonder you’re depressed.”
“And last month,” added Issy, “my aunt died and left me R150 000.”
The customer shook his head in pity. “How terrible! Three close family
members lost in three months!”
“Ya, and then this month,” said Issy, “nothing!”

Chaim Yankel
and the Penguin

Chaim Yankel was walking down a street in
Chelm when a guard came up to him and
said: “Why is there a penguin following you?”
Chaim Yankel said: “I don’t know, he just
started following me.”
The guard replied: “You take that penguin
to the zoo right now.” And Chaim Yankel
complied.
A couple of hours later, Chaim Yankel came
out of the zoo with the penguin still in tow.
As they were walking down the street again,
the guard said: “I thought I told you to take
that penguin to the zoo”?
Chaim Yankel replied: “I did, and he enjoyed
himself so much that now I’m taking him to
the museum.”

THE HEBREW HORSE
Shmerel wants to borrow a horse from his neighbour, Moshe. “Sure, you can borrow my horse,”
replies Moshe. “But one thing you have to know about this horse. He is trained to start when you say
‘Baruch Hashem’ (thank G-d), and he stops when you say ‘Shema Yisrael’.”
So Shmerel gets on the horse and practises. “Baruch Hashem,” he says, and the horse breaks into a
trot. “Shema Yisrael,” he announces, and sure enough, the horse stops. After practising a few times,
he feels confident and begins his journey.
As he is riding along a road, he sees that the road ends up ahead with a steep cliff. Suddenly,
Shmerel realises that he has forgotten the word needed to make the horse stop.
“Adon Olam,” he squeaks, desperately. The horse keeps going.
“Um – Aleinu,” he intones.
The horse keeps going.
“Eh – Yisgadal.”
But the horse keeps galloping.
Now, fearful that he is about to die, Shmerel does what any good Jew would do when confronted
with certain death. He screams out, “Shema Yisrael.” As trained, the horse stops suddenly – barely
two feet from the edge of the cliff.
Shaking like a leaf, Shmerel pulls out his handkerchief and wipes the sweat from his forehead.
“Whew,” he exclaims, “baruch Hashem!”
24 JEWISH LIFE

ISSUE 67

TEXT: COMPILED BY LIZ SAMUELS; PHOTOGRAPHS: BIGSTOCKPHOTO; ALL-FREE-DOWNLOAD

Bessie and Frieda were riding a bus and arguing about the window. “If this
window is open,” one woman declared, “I will catch a cold, and probably die!”
“If the window is shut,” the other announced, “I will suffocate!”
The two glared at each other. The bus driver was at a loss, until an elderly Jew
sitting at the back of the bus sat up and offered a solution. “First, open the
window. That will kill this one. Next, shut it. That will kill the other. Then the rest
of us can ride in peace.”